One of these days...

... I'll be motivated to give a nice long elaborate wonderful post, but at this point will have to be content with a quick update on life.

Thanksgiving break was wonderful! I've never been more content to do absolutely nothing in my life :) Honestly at one moment I remember thinking "hey maybe I should be doing something" then realizing I didn't have to so I didn't.

That was besides Friday and Saturday when I was convinced to wake up early, for vacation standards, to go shopping. They turned out to be good shopping days mainly for me rather than the Christmas presents I should be getting, but now I'm done with half of the presents. That and I am finally getting ideas for the rest of the family so I'm not stressing out over that!

Today I was talking with the pastor and treasurer of the church that I work for and I came to a realization that this job is a good fit for me. For part of my job I get sent on a missions trip (that is don't have to pay for), help out another community (love when I am able to be helpful), hang out with the amazing youth at the church, get paid to do so, AND that's not part of my vacation! I was quite excited and at my excitement the pastor said that it's a good sign that I like spending time with youth. At the end of my time today I left my office the messiest I've left it... that is the papers weren't in a perfect stack... there are some items that I need to move to the storage closets... there are things left for me to do, but I had such a peace and contentment about it all. My list is constantly transforming and things are being accomplished. My only hope is that all the work I do coincides with God's plans.

The next week is going to fly by with all the work for school to do and the fact that my parent's and Lily are coming down to Rochester this weekend! They have not seen the apartment and the only time they were in Rochester, that I know of, has been for the All-State concert and, in Mom and Lily's case, for my audition to Nazareth for undergraduate.

Now for some randomness... Last time I was in Croghan I stopped by Stump's with my Mom and she informed me that those huge posters they use to advertise for movies they give away to the first person to claim them! So I claimed one that day and when I went to pick it up, saw another one I liked, and no one had claimed it! I put up the poster not 20 minutes ago and it matches the wall like it was meant to be there!

Final realization of the night since I have a big nanny day ahead of me... As I was driving home from Woman's Choir I realized that my day was what I will someday expect, hours wise, of a work day. I was at such peace about it and I think that has been the recurring theme of my life right now, one that I am thoroughly treasuring :)

perhaps the quickest blog I will ever write...

... in the midst of my insomnia a sharing of peace...

In Woman's Choir on Thursdays we begin our time with devotions. This past week we took a small amount of time to ask God to show us something and I was reminded of all the things I have been worrying about, primarily my future and what am I doing currently. God reminded me of Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." I got such a peace about God's care of my future. God spoke a little more details in that time- I think it's pretty amazing how quickly God can communicate with us if we take the time to ask for his perspective!

time to sleep so I am ready for the garage sale tomorrow!

... coming soon... The Transformation of the Office/ My Office: A Picture Adventure to Show a Part of My Weekly Life! :)... and perhaps some pictures from the garage sale!

getting a little vulnerable...

Now I told myself that I would not get vulnerable online- that is on a blog, that if people honestly wanted to know they could ask me... well today I guess I don't really care or figure that if people are looking here they're taking the extra step...

... the past few days have been difficult for me. I have not been able to find the motivation to do the work that I have to do. Partly I have found the task, a research paper for a professor that has very high expectations, to be a little overwhelming and have become homesick. Granted during one of my homesick bits I came to the realization that the next time I go home is Thanksgiving, which is after the paper, which brought on more homesickness/depression bit. Also as I have been working people have been asking me specifically if teaching is what the plan is and frankly I don't know if that's what I'm being called to after I get my Masters... which brings me to more of a lack of motivation for courses for my Masters work. I also realized with all the jobs that I have I could be financially stable, but instead find that I am getting more debt for school and these doubts keep coming up. That and although I am starting to get the feel of the job- the job makes me feel grown up and realize that certain parts of my life may be over... specifically my time at Beaver Camp... I know that I can't be there forever, but I think that my optimism never allowed for the chance truly that there was the possibility of not returning. I don't tend to cry... well I have and probably will continue to do so... also I found it was difficult knowing that my sister was trying on wedding gowns with my other sister and mom... while I was here not being able to motivate myself to do the work that I should be doing... there is a connection between my sense of failure, emotions, and changes- that and I find that I am discontent when I am bored/ not doing work that should be done- unmotivated!

On the upside- I got back to typing and got the summary done for another one of my articles and plan on tackling the paper this week and then handing it in on the following! That and although I don't know what's happening with my Masters God has been faithful and supporting me here in Rochester. I have to hold onto that fact rather than let myself get overwhelmed, and then further behind. As for Beaver Camp I just have to trust that God knows what he's doing, he'll provide me with the strength and peace about it, or change circumstances to make it happen... I have to stop trying to control the situation and acknowledge his plans

two highlights of the weekend:
-went to woman's night and had a craving to watch 27 dresses so I watched it with two wonderful women- that is how I took advantage of the extra hour! ;)
-after moving a bunch of stuff for the rummage sale *this Saturday- yikes!* everyone that helped out shared joys and concerns and there was such a peace and community in the youth group and parents that had helped out... I am excited to continue to be a part of it! :)

most likely more interesting to past Beaver Camp staff...

So I have come to realize living in an apartment that my standards of cleaning has become that of camp- that is...

When I think about if my room is clean enough I think if it would pass Todd and Mike's inspection. When in the kitchen there's almost the desire after every use to mop up... When cleaning the rest I think of how it compares to the cabins I saw at camp for cabin clean-up mixed with my parents and older sister's standards!

Maybe it's the Shelter cabin sign hanging up in the apartment?

p.s. Shelter was my favorite cabin :)

I heard back about the Christian Education Director...

... they mentioned that they finished the process, checked with references, and... would like to offer me the job! :o)

So this week I head over to the church get a hold of the job description and begin doing the job! I had a second interview with them, which really set me to ease since the more they talked about it the more I realized that the job is a lot like what I do during the summers as an A.P.D. at Beaver Camp!

Before all that I have conducting workshops today, have to pick up heels for the concert tonight *first concert at Robert's, read/print off articles for my research class, and figure out if I am taking everything to get ready rather than driving back to the apartment...

The best thing about the timing of the job is I had been questioning about getting my final paperwork in for substituting then heard back. I could substitute, but at this point I am planning on giving myself time to settle into this job along with the current jobs I have- being a nanny, accompanist, and ropes course facilitator *although that's over for the season, but like Beaver Camp they have other things going on that they could use help... but again I get to say when I can help out! Substituting can wait for spring as well- that and with the Christian Education Director job my finances will be in good shape *I might even be able to save for paying back loans!

This is a really quick blog since I have to eat breakfast and then go to workshops... As I begin work at the church I am sure there will be more updates! :)

finally enjoying fall as winter approaches...

This past weekend turned out to be amazing. I planned on going up to see as much of the play that my sister is in since she's kinda a big deal in the musical, the lead or something like that! Well the most that they were doing this weekend was a cue to cue, which for the unknowing is basically doing the lines surrounding scene changes/ light changes/ costume changes and that is all. So I went with Lily to that rehearsal- unfortunately they decided to eat first which meant that I didn't see a whole lot, since I made my own dinner plans which began while they were still in the process of eating. I did have a nice chat with the director- she said that they are planning on recording the show and she'd make sure I could see it! :)

The dinner plans I had made occurred due to running into an amazing woman that I ran into Crane, Anna :) I got to enjoy spaghetti, bread, and cake with her and Rob. It was great seeing them in their married wonderfulness, after passing by the house once- I found it though! The conversation was great! I realized how much I miss the great times spent with her, but cherish the great times we have had- I will just have to be sure to plan time with her in the future!

I got back to Potsdam's campus to go to IV- I realized that there were a few people I knew, but the majority were new faces- I got in touch with Lily and we played some Skip-bo with her gang and then slept :)

Saturday I met up with my other sister for maternity photos in Madrid for good friends- turned out to be perfect timing since the baby was born the next day! The pictures turned out well and I am really excited to see them edited and see them as parents!!!! I returned to Potsdam for a tradition that officially has been going since my first semester- Broadway Sing! :o) It was great singing through the show tunes and spending that time becoming more acquainted with some tunes I should know better... I have to stop procrastinating downloading/ learning some of the show tunes that keep showing up each semester!

Then spontaneity ensued for the rest of the weekend! I called Kim and found that she was spending time with Carlylina! Thus I was able to spend time with two wonderful people at the same time! It was absolutely wonderful relaxing with them and seeing how their lives are going. Then I proceeded to Kim's apartment to discover the show Friends and get things ready for what we thought would be a movie night at her apartment- what actually happened was my first skype experience, figuring out how to order from Domino's online (we didn't want to call in- that and we felt extra important making technology bring us food!), eating pizza, and then going to another friend's apartment to watch Letters to God & eat brownies! Then since Lily had to be up early the next day I made plans to meet with her in the morning, since Kim invited me to stay at her apartment! :) We then proceeded to reminisce and stay up late talking- sounds like my last year on campus with her as my roommate :)

Then I went to church the following day- great sermon by a Pastor I do not remember ever seeing, who happens to be one of my friend's, who worked at Beaver Camp, father! I wanted to say hello, but unfortunately had plans to have lunch with Lily and took some students to church in my car so had to get going back to campus. After lunch I took Lily up on her plans to go for a hike, thus the wonderful foliage shots :) It was a relaxed hike and good time spent with Lily updating her on classes and what I am learning! I then proceeded to Kim's apartment to see her for a few, turned into an hour, before heading home.


(that's my car! :o) I like it a little bit)

One of the biggest realizations/ understandings I came to this weekend was that I am feeling less connected to Potsdam... and that's okay. I have been stressed/anxious about transitions, partly since through those transitions I have been leaving places that feel comfortable, that I have been growing in, places that I come to call home. Visiting Potsdam this weekend I have realized that with the changes that it is no longer the place that was home for me and interestingly enough I was okay with it. At this point I do not really know if there is any place that I call home, in spite of the fact that I am paying to live in Rochester. It seems really bizarre to me when I think about it, but I am at peace. I can constantly get caught up in the fact that there are so many changes that are constantly happening with myself, places and people I know, which can be overwhelming. This weekend it really struck me that everything is as it should be and things will not be the same as they were and that is the way it should be! I am at peace with the tons of work that I need to do, with the uncertainty of opportunities, and with the unknown after graduate school. I am enjoying the simple unplanned life and taking each day as it comes! I am letting go of things that I can't hold onto anyway- I am investing where I am rather than yearning to invest where I am not placed- I feel such a freedom in my life now and it feels wonderful.

p.s. Side note/ another realization: I have been driving a lot and realized that there are two songs by Skillet that have spoken to me on one of their albums and came to the realization of why. One of them just is a part of me and foundation that God has set in me, a constant seeking after him in spite of all circumstances, all fears, and all the unknown! The other one was a deep tainted perspective that I had- I remember singing those lyrics and never really quite connecting it to the rest of the song, which in the rest of the song God had been trying to speak to me! Over the weekend as I sang through the song I realized I was free from that tainted view and able to see the whole scope of it! I came to realize the work that God has done in me since January :)
extra side note: I am finding that although there's the "ring by spring" mentality that I have heard for Christian colleges, that for me that experience is not resounding whatsoever... maybe that's because all of the students I know seem to be married already ;)

... and to finish the title- The past few days I have realized that I can deal with the sunshine and the cooler temperatures, but with putting on snow tires today I realize winter will be here too soon! I just find it interesting that in my life it seems that I really start to appreciate seasons right before they change to the next one- I guess it's my whole difficulties with change! Who knows, with all the changes that I have had since January and that continue to happen currently I just might get so used to them that I start to appreciate all of them every once in a while, as they are happening :o)


(pictured above is the foliage in the Potsdam area on a hike- described earlier in this post)

I have been slacking on updating...

I just realized that I have not updated on here in a while, and in the midst of my lack of motivation to study I thought managing a quick break to update would be appropriate!

I feel like I am finally getting into the swing of classes and work. At the beginning of the semester quite a few of my graduate classes gave me headaches and I thought my brain would explode from the information in them! One class in particular after an hour and a half I would be done and the teaching would continue *class is two hours forty five minutes- as are all of my graduate courses. Another discovery I made is the fact that the classes take place during the time when I have taken breaks from school work and relaxed, so that might have been counterproductive to current studying. Although I have survived that month and reached the point that I started getting the affirmation from the professor that I am doing it right. Now to discuss work- I am a nanny for a few hours a week, I am officially hired as a ropes facilitator through a YMCA camp in the area, and I have been and will be accompanying for the voice studio I am in- just need to get the details figured out! I am also in the running for a Christian Education Director job- which I should be hearing back about in a week or two... I guess they had another interviewee, but that they might be interested in interviewing me again! I wonder how that would affect my work load and can start stressing about if I get it/ not get it, but keep reminding myself God knows what I can handle and keep asking him to shut that door if that would be too much.

I have gone to two churches in the area. It seems like I have went away so many weekends, and have plans to continue to do so- which makes it difficult to connect with a church and fellowship. I attended CRU at RIT, which with all the talk of engineering made me think of my undergraduate Christian Fellowship. I have plans to go away the next two weekends as well, maybe when snow hits I will stay in the area and start settling in on that front.

Goals... Moby Dick has been on the shelf for a while- swimming has not taken place, but I ran/jogged/walked a 5 k this weekend and have played Ultimate and ran in the neighborhood!

That's life for now- I may be looking to get on the substitute list to keep up on that, that and the fact with all of the reading for graduate work that will work with giving me something to do during substituting. I'll look into it and see what opens up and works with my schedule that is getting busier all the time! In all of this busyness I am relaxed and at peace. I'm getting the work I need to get done and taking time for myself. It's a great feeling!