Being filled with joy, thankful, patience... well-known verse making a new impact this week!

"We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. 10 Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better.11 We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy,[c] 12 always thanking the Father. He has enabled you to share in the inheritance that belongs to his people, who live in the light."

Colossians 1:10-12

This morning I read these verses and as I read them I felt the power of prayer through them. I have used these verses to encourage others and I have always felt prayerful for other people through them. Today, I felt that they encouraged me personally in my own walk like never before. 

It's amazing how verses that you have grown up reading can have a powerful impact from a change of perspective. 

Without complaining and grumbling

"Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people. Hold firmly to the word of life; then, on the day of Christ’s return, I will be proud that I did not run the race in vain and that my work was not useless."

Philippians 2:14-16

Lately that verse has been really convicting and I have had it weigh on my spirit. This is my 2014 New Years Resolution/Challenge. I have found that in recent years my go to when the going gets tough is to complain and argue that situation. I have looked/still look to blame rather than find a solution to difficulties. I have found that from this complaining attitude it has further turned into discontentment and bitterness. I have found that complaining quickly can turn into gossip to take attention away from myself. 

I've been seeking to have more thankfulness, contentment (which I have found that circumstantially I've gained more of), and gratitude in the little things while ignoring the source that feeds into everything else. I'm seeking to look at challenging situations with an honest perspective that I may grow instead of skewing difficulties to protect my pride.

My complaints have obscured my view of the good that God is doing in my life. My complaints have led to a more pessimistic outlook on life.

My complaints have hindered me. 

This will probably be one of my most challenging resolutions that I've posted... and in many ways I feel the rewards of holding to it will outweigh the gains of previous years. 

For those following along: please keep me accountable... check in on me... keep me from ingratitude and gossip. 

Growing Endurance...

Yesterday, I officially registered for a half-marathon. Today I went to the pool to get some cross training in. I noticed today that the swim was easier than it has been since I began going to the pool in the area. I got in and swam 500 yards. I was so comfortable with my breathing and had gained strength in my ability to endure. The final 50 yards I sprinted.

I began to reflect on this and realized as I have grown in my endurance in the swimming pool, and running, the past few weeks I have grown in my endurance at challenges that life has thrown at me. Last week I had a day that right from the beginning seemed to be full of challenges: my alarm didn't go off, had a wardrobe malfunction in my first class (fixed it before it got awkward), did not have a substitute accept the job for the afternoon I was out for a teacher workshop, figuring out substitute/class details for that afternoon made me late for aforementioned workshop... and made me miss lunch. At one point while I was in the midst of everything appearing to fail that day I had a moment where I realized years, months, maybe even days prior, I may have easily cried and really stressed out from it all, but I didn't. I knew that there was no point and I continued on with my day.

The past few years have not been easy. In many ways I had a plan and vision of what my life would be... and that's what it was. I felt that there were blessings in the steps I took to follow my plan and that God had planted that plan. After completing my Masters I was searching for what's next and did not have any insight into any details. I applied to so many different jobs, many of them jobs that made sense and were easy to imagine what life would be like. I knew what churches would be possibilities... I knew housing arrangements... I knew I would continue to grow in friendships...

God redirected my plan and before I reached the job and place I live now there were many trials that I had to endure. I had to grow through the endurance to persevere instead of let it devastate me. Trials exchanged optimism and hope with doubt, insecurity, and despair. Trials took me to the darkest places I had yet faced.

Without those trials I don't know that I would have moved to NC. The way that God orchestrated the move had me less involved in planning and details than usual... he orchestrated them. I learning more and more to do my part but to count on his strength. At this point I am discovering God's vision for my life and am so busy in that discovery that I have not created any personal life goals or plans. I am being drawn back to seeking God for those answers and growing in the process.

I am reorienting my conviction that God has the best for me and that all the doors closed in the past few years had a purpose. In the past few years the message "I have not brought you thus far to be kept on a shelf" has been spoken to me in two separate prophetic words. I am learning to continued to expect God to provide for my needs and provide opportunities to bless others. Instead of creating my own plan I am pursuing what God's plan is for my life. God has not left me to collect dust and I am excited to see his plan for me in NC.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

James 1:2-4

Living in North Carolina... updates from the move

Sunday I left NY at 6 am, with Dad, and we drove all the way to NC. The car handled the trip, although somewhere a hub cap was lost... oops!

It would take a lot of time to be really specific, so instead I'll just give an overview of highlights thus far.

Monday- Found a place to live (includes a great music colleague and a puppy)
Tuesday- First day of Orientation- slow morning and speedy afternoon
Wednesday- Got into my classroom after a tour of the school- excited about all of the resources
Thursday- Final day of orientation- got my teacher id- finally got an overview of all the paperwork that needs to be done to be set in the district.... and went to the farmers market and got fresh peaches!
... I also stopped by a shop nearby that has a lot of crafts for sale, coffee, and is a supermarket- also has lounging area and games in there, like a coffee shop I liked to visit in Potsdam. I think I may have found a working nook :)

...also I'm not noticing the accents so much here, but noticing it when talking to people in NY... I might come back in December with a drawl... time will tell.

My Unrelated Family

I am truly blessed with the quirky loving family I have. I have also been blessed having that family extend into more siblings, parents, and nieces and nephews, whom I'm not related to.

This past week I uploaded some videos of my Dad, and his friend Keith, playing music and tagged my family and the Moore family to get them connected. Over the weekend I went over to the Fords and got to see everyone and the kids. With all of these events it hit me that I associate these people and many more from growing up as family.

When a friend of mine, who was a guy, come over to the Moore camp for snow sledding, Keith asked him if he needed the "porch talk". Working at Beaver Camp, seeing Teresa Zehr in the kitchen and working with, swimming with, and being reminded of responsibility working with the kitchen staff, felt like I hadn't left home and I was working with family. Going to the Fords felt very natural, even though there was a larger group of people (which I can get overwhelmed with). I felt relaxed, peaceful, and didn't feel any pressure to impress.

Looking at this I can honestly say that I have been blessed in having a great non-biological family growing up where I did. I had extra parents and siblings in the Moore, Zehr, and Ford family (there may be families that I'm not thinking of right now- I'll probably add to the list). I gained family working at Beaver Camp and church.

Approaching 2013 I look forward to continuing to spend time with my family, related and unrelated, and endeavor to be as much of a blessing to them as they are to me.

From going to several weddings...

... I have continually been reminded of the fact that I'm single. Not by the wedding itself. I am usually happy at weddings seeing friends of mine tying the knot. I'm thinking through how beautiful the bride looks and how great the husband is that got her. I'm looking at all the decoration and celebrating the day. But inevitably at one point someone who doesn't know me, that I meet, or hasn't seen me in a while will ask if I have a boyfriend (that just couldn't make it to the wedding) and when I respond no I get one of two responses.

The first response is a bit of sympathy and the "Oh, you'll meet someone in your own time". Usually followed by "you're still young" and long story short many such cliche phrases trying to make me feel better about the apparent evil in my life.

The second response is "what's wrong with you?" "Why aren't you?"... the blame response. The you must be working out of your way not to be in a relationship or there must be something so wrong with you that no one wants you.

Side note: The flower bouquet throw does not help the plight of singles at weddings... and for gents if the garter is included same for you!

This is where I have come across this reaction the most strongly, but I have also found it in other aspects of life. Specifically in my current job and location it has led to a "hmm... I don't like my son's girlfriend- you seem nice".

There are multiple references to two becoming one in marriage, but I think that societies have warped this to mean that outside of a couple you're only half a person. Relationships are an enigma of math- it takes 1 + 1 = 1 couple (so I guess you could say 2 people within that one unit!). Being outside of that unit, I have felt that to make the math work literally I've been perceived as 1/2 a person that needs the other half to be completed.

To be clear: I do hope to be married someday. I do hope to be in a couple and share a life with someone. I just wonder when sharing a life turned into not having an acceptable one if you weren't involved in someone else's.

In Eat, Pray, Love there's a discussion of balance throughout. I feel that I am balanced and that I have work to do in my single state that otherwise would be more difficult with other demands that a relationship would place. There are so many opportunities that I have with job opportunities, being an aunt to an adorable niece, helping out with the fall play in the area, focusing on teaching, and enough to  focus on that I am content and not "awakening love until it so desires"(mentioned numerous times in Songs of Solomon). 

I used to just think that the idolizing boys than men starting in tweens through life was just a struggle that women go through. I have began to realize that's it's beyond the supposition that it's a part of girls growing up, but integrally being told (particularly women) that in order to be a complete balanced person you should be entered into marriage and raising children. 

Coming from my faith in Christianity, you see how Paul says that "it's better that they remain so" for singles. Specifically there is more time and more that can be done for God's glory when not concerned to pleasing a significant other and all that marriage brings with it. An interesting perception I have seen is that it's more acceptable for men to be single in ministry than a women single in ministry. Furthermore a women who is single in ministry, and I have seen this with men less often, is being pushed towards becoming a couple and raising Godly children. I'm not saying that raising Godly children is an unworthy calling. What I'm saying is that I believe that there is a calling and a plentiful harvest that some women are being called to before they enter the entity of marriage. 

To clarify: I'm not a feminist thinking that women need to have more than a husband or family (or need to be perceived equally with men in workforce, etc). Someday I hope to be a wife and mother, but I refuse to give in and believe that before that I am only to continually be pursuing that relationship and living an incomplete life. My primary pursuit needs to be where the harvest is, where God would have me be an impact to a community and blessing. I need to be pursuing a place where my energy and strengths are edifying the church and growing in relationship with Christ. 

Contentment is full of continually choosing...

"My life is really quite simple

My life is just what I make it

I think you think I'm seeing 

Only things I want to see

The truth is that I'm being

Who I wanna be"

Things aren't exactly how I envisioned they would be. Many unexpected circumstances have occurred the past few months, weeks, even days that have mainly been bad. In the midst of these circumstances I have been stressed, anxious, bitter, but gladly have reached the realization to look my face in reality and trust that God has a plan. I have chosen to be thankful for what I have rather than longing after my envisioned future. I have chosen to learn from situations where I have been wronged rather than linger in the wounds and hurt of those situations.

The quote listed above is from Beautiful by the Go-Go's. It's a song that I love to belt out driving around, but today it hit me in a new way. The whole song is acknowledging the beauty that each person is and acknowledging that you have a choice to look at life positively. There are tough circumstances and disappointments, many of them (for me) seem to be happening currently and continuously. I can continue to mope and let them get to me or I can continue to seek how blessed I am and trust that this is a season and not forever.

I am choosing to rejoice that I have a substitute job, apartment, supportive friends and family, and that God has provided for me (and continues to provide) financially. I am choosing to look for what is going right in life rather than the hiccups in life. I am choosing to remember verses that have spoken to me in the best times to still be applicable in the stressful and bleak times. I am choosing to see the beauty in the current season and time I am in. I am choosing to look for the opportunities that God has for me now, rather than long for some time in the future and loose the blessings of today. Carpe Diem. I want to seize the day and be an impact in whatever time I have in wherever God places me. I am choosing to remember that God sees the full plan and has a better plan for my life than I can imagine in my human capacity.

"Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope God's work from beginning to end." -Ecclesiastes 3:11