"Delay is not denial"...

This week I found out that I was not chosen for a job that I had very high hopes of getting. I'll be honest. I've cried quite a few times, I've been angry, I've thrown my phone, and I've been disappointed. In true Emily fashion I've also then looked at all the things in my life that could make this situation worse and have gotten super stressed.

Yesterday, I called my identical twin sister (she went south- I went north- She's from Jamaica) and she said the very words that this post is titled, "Delay is not denial." The main gist of what she told me is that God has something for me, but I'm still in the waiting phase. I can agree with it, but also have to admit that I'm tired. I'm exhausted and in tough shape. My endless joy, that is usually effortless, is almost non-existent and to keep happy I have to exert what little energy I have left. I have truly reached a point that God's strength needs to be my own. He needs to carry me, as mentioned in the Footprints poem. I'm boasting in my weakness and praying that God's strength is there and carries me through.

Tomorrow, my family is having a get together to celebrate my brother's birthday and my sister's job/going away party. I want to celebrate with them, but know that in my family's support system, paired with my vulnerability, that I could easily reach a point of stress and tears. I want to go, but need the strength to go.

Today a friend posted this verse which is perfect for where I currently am:
‎"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” -Joshua 1:9

It's a command to be strong and courageous, because God is with me. At this point it's very difficult to see God working in my life. There are multiple testimonies in my past of his provision for me and I've seen him prepare the way for me. Right now- I'm not seeing it and I have to admit I've been spoiled from job to job and being blessed in transitions. This next transition has the stress of loans and I'm not seeing what God is doing or where I'm going.

This is a gist of where I am at and any prayers sent my way would be greatly appreciated.