Rambling thoughts about what's next... catching up the present

Update time: I've officially completed all of my coursework for my Masters! At the end of August they'll officially list that I have my Masters in Music Education and then I'll receive my diploma. The job at the church I've had is done at the end of July for many reasons. It's bittersweet, but exciting at the same time to see what God has for me next! On that note... ... I have been applying to numerous teaching jobs and am beginning to apply to jobs in general. Through this process I continue to battle myself. Spending a significant amount of money in the Music Education field, I find that I'm drawn to actually using that degree. At the same time, teaching English abroad is enticing. As of today, a job that interacts with settling people into housing is appealing. The biggest thing I'm finding more and more is that I need to do what is required for opportunities and need to trust that God will open and close doors as necessary. In the job that he makes possible I need to seek where he would have me minister in that area. Currently I'm home for my sister's wedding. This time home I find that I'm seeing this area in a way that I've never perceived it. I have had some rose-colored glasses on this place for some time and have started to see brokenness and faults of the area that I'd never seen before. My emotions have been stirred up like never before realizing some of the brutality of people's nature not even five minutes from my parent's. I'm realizing that I need to step back and watch God work...

Recurring Lesson... This Season's Gain?

I'm finding more and more that there is 'nothing new under the sun' or, at times, nothing new as far as what God is showing me, but a deeper understanding of those concepts. I'm in one of those phases currently and am remembering some past lessons learned in the process.

Current lesson/recurring lesson: Do not worry. Who would have thought those three words could be so difficult?!

Where does the complexity begin? For me, in order to not worry about things I have to let go, not control, and admit that I am unable to do everything on my own. You have to let God take over and not hold onto it. Each time I find myself where I become overwhelmed by challenges and remember again to give my life, and all of it's stress, back to God I then become overwhelmed by peace. One of my key phrases, which I always strive for is, plan to not plan. Plan to allow God to reveal the next step in due time, look at present opportunities, but more than anything else seek where God has me currently rather than become transfixed by figuring out my own purpose (and in that process loosing sight of God). In the end, the most fulfillment I will have is by abiding in God's will.

In overwhelming peace I am again reminded of the lesson that God really spoke to me in the Fall: God is in control. As much as I hold onto things, try to foresee my own plans, and each time I act on my own, God's purpose is going to be accomplished. I can try to figure things out on my own, stress about little things, or I can continue to seek God to work through me. Granted either way this requires me to do my best, but when I'm connected to God then it seems like I get a lot more accomplished and God is glorified. But, what's my tendency- when stressed, things start to get to be a bit much... work harder and things will work out

Why might I be getting the same lesson? As much as I do not like the stress of trials, that stress is balanced by peace. I become refocused and become fulfilled, yet again. So onward to planning to not plan and rest in God's peace during that process!

Thankfulness in Uncertainty

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." -Rom 8:28

This morning I was not called into a school to Substitute and actually found something productive to do; spend time with God. I started by reading the bible and then got an impulse to run. A few summers ago I realized that although I don't have an enjoyment of running itself that there are other benefits while I run. The main benefit being: When I run I can collect my thoughts and talk with God. So this morning I ran and had a good talk with God.

This morning in particular I found I was telling God a lot of my worries, uncertainty, and venting a bit. At one point God reminded me of his faithfulness since I have arrived to Rochester, the past year and a half. The rest of the run was joyous, still exhausting, but really full of thanks to God for all that he has done for me. A lot of the questions I had are still there, but I can tackle them knowing that in God's perfect time they'll be answered and that he walks/runs with me wherever I go. I have also been reminded of a talk that Keith Zehr had a camp, which I remember through the song "It ain't whatcha do it's the way that you do it." I need to continue to push forward and trust that by seeking God and seeking to glorify him he will continue to be faithful to provide and work through me!

A Glimpse into a Less Wasteful Year...

Resolutions last year... mainly successful. Resolutions this year deal with waste with multiple facets of that term. This might be highly ambitious, but I feel that if my resolutions are that easily achieved that I can become indifferent, complacent, and too comfortable with the way things are. On the other hand you may notice I'm not going "cold turkey". A few years back I had a resolution concerning texting. I did cut out aim, facebook chat, et cetera, but continued to respond to cell texts, but then I had a limit of 5 texts (at which point if it was that important I informed the other person to call).

This next year I am going to strive to not waste...
1) Time: With 3 jobs, getting my masters, figuring out life after college, etc... I keep busy and still in my busyness manage to waste time, a very precious commodity in my life!
2) Money: January was budget month... I used excel and maybe if I get motivated I'll even color coordinate! One Specific Area: specialty coffees- have a specific coffee budget (that I don't always use and I try to make for self rather than pay someone else to do it) *side thought: takes about the same amount of time... and wastes money= lose lose scenario*... Other areas- will be decided as I review my budget!

As stated this is a glimpse- This month happened so quickly and mainly I've found that this month is a month to reflect on what waste has been taking place and then fixing it.

Other news: I'm very excited about becoming an Aunt in April. I'm registered for Iron Girl again this summer and might be doing another triathlon as well! Lesson that it seems I continue to be learning is that God is in control*

*this might be elaborated at some point in the future

Nearer my God are Thee, Nancy Lee

Yesterday my breath was taken away, and my heart started aching, at the news that Nancy is no longer on this earth. Through the past day there have been a jumble of emotions. There have been plenty of times that I have, in my selfishness, been sad that I will not be seeing her face in this life. Multiple times God has reminded me of Nancy's impact in this life and of certain occasions that in the middle of grief I am still able to laugh and fondly remember her.

Philippians 2:14-18 has been my comfort and, in my opinion, explains a smidgen of who Nancy was. "Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world of crooked and perverse people. Hold firmly to the word of life; then, on the day of Christ's return, I will be proud that I did not run the race in vain and that my work was not useless. But I will rejoice even though I lose my life, pouring it like a liquid offering to God. And I want all of you to share that joy. Yes, you should rejoice, and I will share your joy."

Nancy was such an example of setting an example in her youth. Her walk with God shone so brightly that, within a short time of knowing her, I was challenged to strengthen my faith to reflect God more fully. With her departing this life it is upsetting that such a bright shining woman of God is no longer among us. Nancy brought life, energy, and joy wherever she went. These qualities were contagious and valued. When such value leaves, it's easy to feel a void and see the world as a dimmer place. The tendency is to reflect on the light departing instead of looking towards ways to allow God's light to shine brighter in us. In this time of grief, making me vulnerable, I need to depend on God and boast in his strength working through me.

Nancy is taking part in the wonderful hymn sing of heaven, lending her voice and enthusiasm. There is a celebration that one, such as her, has joined eternity. This fact brings a bit of joy during this time as well as God's reminder of a story, which I will end this post with.

One week at camp (day camp, I believe), Nancy was the rec leader. We usually have kids choose a buddy and then choose between two options. Most times those options are something simple like peanut butter and jelly. One day Nancy decided to split a word into two sections to separate kids. That word was Homosapien... that's right "Homos over there and sapiens over there!" I think that all the staff almost completely lost it. In her tiniest action Nancy brought joy to me at camp, and anywhere else I was lucky enough to run into her, and that's the attitude that I hope to remember her with: Joy.

God is faithful :)

The past few weeks have brought many changes.

I officially submitted all my paperwork to substitute and officially substituted Middle School Band last Tuesday. It went a lot better than I had expected from previous experience with band and that age group and the fact that I didn't have coffee until the afternoon.

After substituting I went to a CRU leadership meeting. I have been emailing back and forth between CRU leadership to figure out how I can use my extra time to reach students on campus nearby. I have been asked to head up International Student Outreach :) They haven't had a student head that up, from what I can gather, and I'm excited to see how this goes. I have some ideas to start connecting Christians to International Students and am looking forward to seeing how they work out. At the meeting I had a prayer that I wouldn't be overwhelmed and got a speedy answer the next day.

I've been working for a church part-time and they've asked that I become even more part-time due to finances of the church. It took me aback a bit, but I realized that God is freeing up my time that I won't be overwhelmed. I'll be able to take more substituting jobs, which helps me prioritize my time and be more productive with everything and also I'd be getting paid more per day than working at the church. God's providing for me yet again.

Speaking of the church job: I'm really excited with where youth is going this year. At the beginning I knew of 2 maybe 3 youth to expect and now there are 4-5 that are coming pretty regularly. We had our first Hot Topic Sunday where we let them ask questions and worship (that is guitar and singing) is becoming a part of their meetings. We have a youth retreat coming up with many going. I'm excited at the depth of questions being asked and establishing foundations this year. Hopefully this week I'll have direction planned for the group til January... or at least until next Sunday since the following weekend is their retreat!

Today I had a nice adventure with Tamara looking for a sale that I saw signs for. Alas, it must have been yesterday and they just didn't take the signs down! Oh well, we went to Boulder Coffee Shop (I hadn't been there before) and it was great! We had a great conversation and I opened up about myself a bit, which is a big thing for me to do since it usually takes me a few years.

Other notable comments:
- I am seeing the purpose of barre chords and no longer hate them- they are still awkward when I first start implementing them, but become more comfortable with practice.
- Watching Pride & Prejudice after watching Lost in Austen made it an amusing time at Girl's Night.
- I don't know why, but evidently the time after 5:30 am, but before 6:00 am is the time that, if woken, I'm wide awake and ready to start the day... without need of coffee. This was discovered yet again when I got a substitute call at 5:40 am, clearly remembered plans of the day and stated clearly that I was unavailable that day. My time is not always my own anymore... I don't know how I feel about that.

And that concludes recent smidgens of my life, for now.

Guitar Blessings and Making Weekly Dates :)

This semester I decided that to help my goal of getting better at guitar that I should take lessons to do so... and I have calluses to prove it! There are parts that I expected (I still hate bar chords) and parts I didn't expect (playing from sheet music is a LOT easier than I thought it would be). I got sheet music for my lesson on Friday, two days ago, and I've basically have it prepared for my lesson this Friday (even the tricky one included in case I had extra time). That just leaves choosing a piece of music to incorporate bar chords in functionally. Smart teacher I tell ya- showing me where it will make life easier to try to motivate me to enjoy bar chords more. I'm challenged with D# M7 on the sixth string then craziness of Bb minor on the fifth string... I think I'm going to need to make flash cards :P In all honesty I am enjoying all that I am learning with guitar and kind of wish I would have taken lessons like this sooner!

As for weekly dates... that would be with friends ;) I am meeting with a few friends that I am hoping will become weekly meetings since they are wonderful ladies that I am developing great friendships with. That and you can't beat meeting with Godly women! Tomorrow I meet with a friend I made on Friday, at CRU, that is from Madagascar and I quickly made several connections. She has a personality that I connect with and I just tend to automatically love International Students... seriously! I also met with CRU's International Student coordinator and she mentioned trying to start an International Bible Study, which for those who don't know, is where I like to be whenever possible! As for other weekly dates I meet with a lovely lady that I met before she started at Roberts and it makes me happy being able to use my time at Roberts and RIT. I really enjoy the fact that today having lunch at RIT I knew two people that people at CRU had not met and I was able to introduce them to... and I don't even go to RIT!

So for the newest update: I'm doing well, feeling blessed by opportunities, but also a little overwhelmed by options. Of course the weekends/weeks that I have been looking to plan have so much going on that I can't get to everything, which makes me extremely sad! I guess I have to be a bit more decisive and hopefully God will make the decision easier by closing some of those doors!