I am truly blessed with the quirky loving family I have. I have also been blessed having that family extend into more siblings, parents, and nieces and nephews, whom I'm not related to.
This past week I uploaded some videos of my Dad, and his friend Keith, playing music and tagged my family and the Moore family to get them connected. Over the weekend I went over to the Fords and got to see everyone and the kids. With all of these events it hit me that I associate these people and many more from growing up as family.
When a friend of mine, who was a guy, come over to the Moore camp for snow sledding, Keith asked him if he needed the "porch talk". Working at Beaver Camp, seeing Teresa Zehr in the kitchen and working with, swimming with, and being reminded of responsibility working with the kitchen staff, felt like I hadn't left home and I was working with family. Going to the Fords felt very natural, even though there was a larger group of people (which I can get overwhelmed with). I felt relaxed, peaceful, and didn't feel any pressure to impress.
Looking at this I can honestly say that I have been blessed in having a great non-biological family growing up where I did. I had extra parents and siblings in the Moore, Zehr, and Ford family (there may be families that I'm not thinking of right now- I'll probably add to the list). I gained family working at Beaver Camp and church.
Approaching 2013 I look forward to continuing to spend time with my family, related and unrelated, and endeavor to be as much of a blessing to them as they are to me.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Friday, October 19, 2012
From going to several weddings...
... I have continually been reminded of the fact that I'm single. Not by the wedding itself. I am usually happy at weddings seeing friends of mine tying the knot. I'm thinking through how beautiful the bride looks and how great the husband is that got her. I'm looking at all the decoration and celebrating the day. But inevitably at one point someone who doesn't know me, that I meet, or hasn't seen me in a while will ask if I have a boyfriend (that just couldn't make it to the wedding) and when I respond no I get one of two responses.
The first response is a bit of sympathy and the "Oh, you'll meet someone in your own time". Usually followed by "you're still young" and long story short many such cliche phrases trying to make me feel better about the apparent evil in my life.
The second response is "what's wrong with you?" "Why aren't you?"... the blame response. The you must be working out of your way not to be in a relationship or there must be something so wrong with you that no one wants you.
Side note: The flower bouquet throw does not help the plight of singles at weddings... and for gents if the garter is included same for you!
This is where I have come across this reaction the most strongly, but I have also found it in other aspects of life. Specifically in my current job and location it has led to a "hmm... I don't like my son's girlfriend- you seem nice".
There are multiple references to two becoming one in marriage, but I think that societies have warped this to mean that outside of a couple you're only half a person. Relationships are an enigma of math- it takes 1 + 1 = 1 couple (so I guess you could say 2 people within that one unit!). Being outside of that unit, I have felt that to make the math work literally I've been perceived as 1/2 a person that needs the other half to be completed.
The first response is a bit of sympathy and the "Oh, you'll meet someone in your own time". Usually followed by "you're still young" and long story short many such cliche phrases trying to make me feel better about the apparent evil in my life.
The second response is "what's wrong with you?" "Why aren't you?"... the blame response. The you must be working out of your way not to be in a relationship or there must be something so wrong with you that no one wants you.
Side note: The flower bouquet throw does not help the plight of singles at weddings... and for gents if the garter is included same for you!
This is where I have come across this reaction the most strongly, but I have also found it in other aspects of life. Specifically in my current job and location it has led to a "hmm... I don't like my son's girlfriend- you seem nice".
There are multiple references to two becoming one in marriage, but I think that societies have warped this to mean that outside of a couple you're only half a person. Relationships are an enigma of math- it takes 1 + 1 = 1 couple (so I guess you could say 2 people within that one unit!). Being outside of that unit, I have felt that to make the math work literally I've been perceived as 1/2 a person that needs the other half to be completed.
To be clear: I do hope to be married someday. I do hope to be in a couple and share a life with someone. I just wonder when sharing a life turned into not having an acceptable one if you weren't involved in someone else's.
In Eat, Pray, Love there's a discussion of balance throughout. I feel that I am balanced and that I have work to do in my single state that otherwise would be more difficult with other demands that a relationship would place. There are so many opportunities that I have with job opportunities, being an aunt to an adorable niece, helping out with the fall play in the area, focusing on teaching, and enough to focus on that I am content and not "awakening love until it so desires"(mentioned numerous times in Songs of Solomon).
I used to just think that the idolizing boys than men starting in tweens through life was just a struggle that women go through. I have began to realize that's it's beyond the supposition that it's a part of girls growing up, but integrally being told (particularly women) that in order to be a complete balanced person you should be entered into marriage and raising children.
Coming from my faith in Christianity, you see how Paul says that "it's better that they remain so" for singles. Specifically there is more time and more that can be done for God's glory when not concerned to pleasing a significant other and all that marriage brings with it. An interesting perception I have seen is that it's more acceptable for men to be single in ministry than a women single in ministry. Furthermore a women who is single in ministry, and I have seen this with men less often, is being pushed towards becoming a couple and raising Godly children. I'm not saying that raising Godly children is an unworthy calling. What I'm saying is that I believe that there is a calling and a plentiful harvest that some women are being called to before they enter the entity of marriage.
To clarify: I'm not a feminist thinking that women need to have more than a husband or family (or need to be perceived equally with men in workforce, etc). Someday I hope to be a wife and mother, but I refuse to give in and believe that before that I am only to continually be pursuing that relationship and living an incomplete life. My primary pursuit needs to be where the harvest is, where God would have me be an impact to a community and blessing. I need to be pursuing a place where my energy and strengths are edifying the church and growing in relationship with Christ.
Thursday, September 6, 2012
Contentment is full of continually choosing...
"My life is really quite simple
My life is just what I make it
I think you think I'm seeing
Only things I want to see
The truth is that I'm being
Who I wanna be"
Things aren't exactly how I envisioned they would be. Many unexpected circumstances have occurred the past few months, weeks, even days that have mainly been bad. In the midst of these circumstances I have been stressed, anxious, bitter, but gladly have reached the realization to look my face in reality and trust that God has a plan. I have chosen to be thankful for what I have rather than longing after my envisioned future. I have chosen to learn from situations where I have been wronged rather than linger in the wounds and hurt of those situations.
The quote listed above is from Beautiful by the Go-Go's. It's a song that I love to belt out driving around, but today it hit me in a new way. The whole song is acknowledging the beauty that each person is and acknowledging that you have a choice to look at life positively. There are tough circumstances and disappointments, many of them (for me) seem to be happening currently and continuously. I can continue to mope and let them get to me or I can continue to seek how blessed I am and trust that this is a season and not forever.
I am choosing to rejoice that I have a substitute job, apartment, supportive friends and family, and that God has provided for me (and continues to provide) financially. I am choosing to look for what is going right in life rather than the hiccups in life. I am choosing to remember verses that have spoken to me in the best times to still be applicable in the stressful and bleak times. I am choosing to see the beauty in the current season and time I am in. I am choosing to look for the opportunities that God has for me now, rather than long for some time in the future and loose the blessings of today. Carpe Diem. I want to seize the day and be an impact in whatever time I have in wherever God places me. I am choosing to remember that God sees the full plan and has a better plan for my life than I can imagine in my human capacity.
"Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope God's work from beginning to end." -Ecclesiastes 3:11
Thursday, August 9, 2012
"Delay is not denial"...
This week I found out that I was not chosen for a job that I had very high hopes of getting. I'll be honest. I've cried quite a few times, I've been angry, I've thrown my phone, and I've been disappointed. In true Emily fashion I've also then looked at all the things in my life that could make this situation worse and have gotten super stressed.
Yesterday, I called my identical twin sister (she went south- I went north- She's from Jamaica) and she said the very words that this post is titled, "Delay is not denial." The main gist of what she told me is that God has something for me, but I'm still in the waiting phase. I can agree with it, but also have to admit that I'm tired. I'm exhausted and in tough shape. My endless joy, that is usually effortless, is almost non-existent and to keep happy I have to exert what little energy I have left. I have truly reached a point that God's strength needs to be my own. He needs to carry me, as mentioned in the Footprints poem. I'm boasting in my weakness and praying that God's strength is there and carries me through.
Tomorrow, my family is having a get together to celebrate my brother's birthday and my sister's job/going away party. I want to celebrate with them, but know that in my family's support system, paired with my vulnerability, that I could easily reach a point of stress and tears. I want to go, but need the strength to go.
Today a friend posted this verse which is perfect for where I currently am:
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” -Joshua 1:9
It's a command to be strong and courageous, because God is with me. At this point it's very difficult to see God working in my life. There are multiple testimonies in my past of his provision for me and I've seen him prepare the way for me. Right now- I'm not seeing it and I have to admit I've been spoiled from job to job and being blessed in transitions. This next transition has the stress of loans and I'm not seeing what God is doing or where I'm going.
This is a gist of where I am at and any prayers sent my way would be greatly appreciated.
Yesterday, I called my identical twin sister (she went south- I went north- She's from Jamaica) and she said the very words that this post is titled, "Delay is not denial." The main gist of what she told me is that God has something for me, but I'm still in the waiting phase. I can agree with it, but also have to admit that I'm tired. I'm exhausted and in tough shape. My endless joy, that is usually effortless, is almost non-existent and to keep happy I have to exert what little energy I have left. I have truly reached a point that God's strength needs to be my own. He needs to carry me, as mentioned in the Footprints poem. I'm boasting in my weakness and praying that God's strength is there and carries me through.
Tomorrow, my family is having a get together to celebrate my brother's birthday and my sister's job/going away party. I want to celebrate with them, but know that in my family's support system, paired with my vulnerability, that I could easily reach a point of stress and tears. I want to go, but need the strength to go.
Today a friend posted this verse which is perfect for where I currently am:
"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” -Joshua 1:9
It's a command to be strong and courageous, because God is with me. At this point it's very difficult to see God working in my life. There are multiple testimonies in my past of his provision for me and I've seen him prepare the way for me. Right now- I'm not seeing it and I have to admit I've been spoiled from job to job and being blessed in transitions. This next transition has the stress of loans and I'm not seeing what God is doing or where I'm going.
This is a gist of where I am at and any prayers sent my way would be greatly appreciated.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Triathlon Training during the waiting...
Waiting to hear back from a job interview when you constantly are informed on more information gets a little stressful...
... on the other hand: training for the triathlon provides a great distraction. Last year the biggest disappointment, but also the greatest mental growth experience, was the biking portion. My bike first had issues within the first 3 miles, probably closer to 2. As I kept going I realized there wasn't really any tread, which continued to make me want to stop going. I completed it (took longer than it should have) and with it felt accomplished to have done so. This year I have a dependable bike so I'm excited to be dropping tons of time in that portion! With that being said I have to use the next few days to get used to it since I'm borrowing it from my sister. That and the next few days I want to be as active as possible without overdoing it!
The more active I am I find the less stressed I am- I tend to have a different focus. I find the same to be true in life. If I focus on other activity and things that I can do today rather than what tomorrow may bring I'm more content and find I'm more prepared for tomorrow. That and I'm exhausted more easily and sleep better! On that note: I feel like an old woman going to bed early, but I'm doing it any way! That's a quick update for now!
... on the other hand: training for the triathlon provides a great distraction. Last year the biggest disappointment, but also the greatest mental growth experience, was the biking portion. My bike first had issues within the first 3 miles, probably closer to 2. As I kept going I realized there wasn't really any tread, which continued to make me want to stop going. I completed it (took longer than it should have) and with it felt accomplished to have done so. This year I have a dependable bike so I'm excited to be dropping tons of time in that portion! With that being said I have to use the next few days to get used to it since I'm borrowing it from my sister. That and the next few days I want to be as active as possible without overdoing it!
The more active I am I find the less stressed I am- I tend to have a different focus. I find the same to be true in life. If I focus on other activity and things that I can do today rather than what tomorrow may bring I'm more content and find I'm more prepared for tomorrow. That and I'm exhausted more easily and sleep better! On that note: I feel like an old woman going to bed early, but I'm doing it any way! That's a quick update for now!
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Musings on Life...
This Sunday is my final Sunday as the Coordinator of Youth Ministries...
...and it feels quite strange that it will be over.
This past Sunday I was able to go to Panera Bread with one of the youth and answer some big questions and catch up on her life and catch her up on mine. Meeting with her was a reminder of why I enjoy ministry. Each bit of wisdom that I give to another person is usually a way for God to speak to me as well. In my time in Rochester that job has created more opportunity to connect to people than I have in a while.
For a while, I've felt that my life (spiritually, relational, career, etc) has been stagnant and dry. Within the past few weeks God has shown me that he is still faithful and is still working in me. The biggest change that I'm discovering is I'm developing more compassion, and with that more tears. I'm discovering that, in spite of the fact that I have been lamenting separation from and a less numerous number of friendships, God has given me some great friends. Career-wise: I've been getting a lot of emails stating no interviews (applying all over) and now it seems like I'm getting quite a few interviews in one specific area. Now to see if that is where God would have me go.
I was speaking with my youth about God's will and following it and as I reflect I am amazed that God was speaking this also to me. I told her that you have to look for opportunities available, use God-given passions, and pursue them. If God would have you do something else he would close those opportunities. God may be glorified in many ways as long as he is being pursued before your pursuits. As I've been hearing a lot of doors closing, or not seeing opportunities or growth, it's so easy to become frustrated and think that God isn't moving. The truth is, in those times, those disappointments are what have lead me to God's great provision for me.
God knows plans he has for me (Jeremiah 29:11) and I just need to continue to trust in them. Another topic I mentioned is that in going forward into future endeavors is to remember that God is God. In my tendency to plan and pursue I think about what work I can do, when the fact is God is going to allow me to prosper and fail as he sees fit. God really spoke this to me with resumes and my portfolio: I was stressing about making it spectacular (and not getting the results that I wanted with some aspects of it) and realized I am to put forth my best effort, but to acknowledge that God is going to orchestrate the results.
Tomorrow I have an interview (outfit below- I feel like an adult!). I'm putting together my best and trusting God to take care of the rest. This Sunday is going to be difficult saying goodbye to a job God provided to me. I need to remember to cling to the hope, and God's promise, that he will provide for me in my future.
Monday, July 16, 2012
From windows to doors...
I completed my Masters a few weeks ago, which is exciting but, at the same time, daunting. Loans are about to kick in soon and not having a financial cushion can create stress from time to time. With that financial stress, and the fact that I'm done with school (for now), it's time to make choices of where to go from here.
My realization, as of maybe 5 minutes ago, is during my time at school I've been able to live in a room with windows. I've been able to take part in a little of everything in the structure of school. I feel like I haven't really haven't had to walk through doors, past choosing to get my Masters in Rochester. I've been able to have some stability (apartment, classes, part time job,etc) with some spontaneity (traveling, missions trip, visiting family, etc). To bring it back to the title's analogy: I walked through the door in a room (Rochester) and feel like I've stayed in the room poking my head out through windows (both stability and spontaneity). At this point I feel that another door is about to be opened and I find that I'm fearful that the door I take will be either stability or spontaneity. Whatever option I take will limit stability or spontaneity.
Specifically I feel that there are three paths ahead of me and I'm looking for peace that God will give or take away those opportunities. The first is teaching music like I've studied for the past six and a half years. This path I could easily see closed more easily than the others, which is a little sad but I also see the potential of privately teaching. The second path is still teaching, but doing so abroad. I would love being the international instead of the native helping international individuals get used to America. I could teach English or Music in English (I've seen some postings). The third is taking a full-time job that will pay the bills and would make me wonder why I spent all those years studying music in the first place. There's always the wonder of how much I would enjoy one of those jobs, even though I've done work similar part-time in the past.
In each of these paths I find myself constantly discounting why I shouldn't go with them and constantly going in circles with them. One of these paths I have an interview with on Tuesday, which is exciting but I know I would personally interview better if I hold onto the positive aspects of that path. I feel a bit bi-polar with my feelings about these paths. I have to keep reminding myself that God has been faithful to open and close doors in the past and that he is preparing a way for me. I think another thought that continually comes up is trying to find the path that is God's better rather than what is just good. (Yes, a Martha and Mary reference... seems to continually be at war). I have to remember that God will make all things work together for my good and do my bit so that he can be glorified. In my weakness, confusion, and shifting, I pray that God is my strength and is glorified.
My realization, as of maybe 5 minutes ago, is during my time at school I've been able to live in a room with windows. I've been able to take part in a little of everything in the structure of school. I feel like I haven't really haven't had to walk through doors, past choosing to get my Masters in Rochester. I've been able to have some stability (apartment, classes, part time job,etc) with some spontaneity (traveling, missions trip, visiting family, etc). To bring it back to the title's analogy: I walked through the door in a room (Rochester) and feel like I've stayed in the room poking my head out through windows (both stability and spontaneity). At this point I feel that another door is about to be opened and I find that I'm fearful that the door I take will be either stability or spontaneity. Whatever option I take will limit stability or spontaneity.
Specifically I feel that there are three paths ahead of me and I'm looking for peace that God will give or take away those opportunities. The first is teaching music like I've studied for the past six and a half years. This path I could easily see closed more easily than the others, which is a little sad but I also see the potential of privately teaching. The second path is still teaching, but doing so abroad. I would love being the international instead of the native helping international individuals get used to America. I could teach English or Music in English (I've seen some postings). The third is taking a full-time job that will pay the bills and would make me wonder why I spent all those years studying music in the first place. There's always the wonder of how much I would enjoy one of those jobs, even though I've done work similar part-time in the past.
In each of these paths I find myself constantly discounting why I shouldn't go with them and constantly going in circles with them. One of these paths I have an interview with on Tuesday, which is exciting but I know I would personally interview better if I hold onto the positive aspects of that path. I feel a bit bi-polar with my feelings about these paths. I have to keep reminding myself that God has been faithful to open and close doors in the past and that he is preparing a way for me. I think another thought that continually comes up is trying to find the path that is God's better rather than what is just good. (Yes, a Martha and Mary reference... seems to continually be at war). I have to remember that God will make all things work together for my good and do my bit so that he can be glorified. In my weakness, confusion, and shifting, I pray that God is my strength and is glorified.
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