Friday, October 19, 2012

From going to several weddings...

... I have continually been reminded of the fact that I'm single. Not by the wedding itself. I am usually happy at weddings seeing friends of mine tying the knot. I'm thinking through how beautiful the bride looks and how great the husband is that got her. I'm looking at all the decoration and celebrating the day. But inevitably at one point someone who doesn't know me, that I meet, or hasn't seen me in a while will ask if I have a boyfriend (that just couldn't make it to the wedding) and when I respond no I get one of two responses.

The first response is a bit of sympathy and the "Oh, you'll meet someone in your own time". Usually followed by "you're still young" and long story short many such cliche phrases trying to make me feel better about the apparent evil in my life.

The second response is "what's wrong with you?" "Why aren't you?"... the blame response. The you must be working out of your way not to be in a relationship or there must be something so wrong with you that no one wants you.

Side note: The flower bouquet throw does not help the plight of singles at weddings... and for gents if the garter is included same for you!

This is where I have come across this reaction the most strongly, but I have also found it in other aspects of life. Specifically in my current job and location it has led to a "hmm... I don't like my son's girlfriend- you seem nice".

There are multiple references to two becoming one in marriage, but I think that societies have warped this to mean that outside of a couple you're only half a person. Relationships are an enigma of math- it takes 1 + 1 = 1 couple (so I guess you could say 2 people within that one unit!). Being outside of that unit, I have felt that to make the math work literally I've been perceived as 1/2 a person that needs the other half to be completed.


To be clear: I do hope to be married someday. I do hope to be in a couple and share a life with someone. I just wonder when sharing a life turned into not having an acceptable one if you weren't involved in someone else's.

In Eat, Pray, Love there's a discussion of balance throughout. I feel that I am balanced and that I have work to do in my single state that otherwise would be more difficult with other demands that a relationship would place. There are so many opportunities that I have with job opportunities, being an aunt to an adorable niece, helping out with the fall play in the area, focusing on teaching, and enough to  focus on that I am content and not "awakening love until it so desires"(mentioned numerous times in Songs of Solomon). 

I used to just think that the idolizing boys than men starting in tweens through life was just a struggle that women go through. I have began to realize that's it's beyond the supposition that it's a part of girls growing up, but integrally being told (particularly women) that in order to be a complete balanced person you should be entered into marriage and raising children. 

Coming from my faith in Christianity, you see how Paul says that "it's better that they remain so" for singles. Specifically there is more time and more that can be done for God's glory when not concerned to pleasing a significant other and all that marriage brings with it. An interesting perception I have seen is that it's more acceptable for men to be single in ministry than a women single in ministry. Furthermore a women who is single in ministry, and I have seen this with men less often, is being pushed towards becoming a couple and raising Godly children. I'm not saying that raising Godly children is an unworthy calling. What I'm saying is that I believe that there is a calling and a plentiful harvest that some women are being called to before they enter the entity of marriage. 

To clarify: I'm not a feminist thinking that women need to have more than a husband or family (or need to be perceived equally with men in workforce, etc). Someday I hope to be a wife and mother, but I refuse to give in and believe that before that I am only to continually be pursuing that relationship and living an incomplete life. My primary pursuit needs to be where the harvest is, where God would have me be an impact to a community and blessing. I need to be pursuing a place where my energy and strengths are edifying the church and growing in relationship with Christ.