I began to reflect on this and realized as I have grown in my endurance in the swimming pool, and running, the past few weeks I have grown in my endurance at challenges that life has thrown at me. Last week I had a day that right from the beginning seemed to be full of challenges: my alarm didn't go off, had a wardrobe malfunction in my first class (fixed it before it got awkward), did not have a substitute accept the job for the afternoon I was out for a teacher workshop, figuring out substitute/class details for that afternoon made me late for aforementioned workshop... and made me miss lunch. At one point while I was in the midst of everything appearing to fail that day I had a moment where I realized years, months, maybe even days prior, I may have easily cried and really stressed out from it all, but I didn't. I knew that there was no point and I continued on with my day.
The past few years have not been easy. In many ways I had a plan and vision of what my life would be... and that's what it was. I felt that there were blessings in the steps I took to follow my plan and that God had planted that plan. After completing my Masters I was searching for what's next and did not have any insight into any details. I applied to so many different jobs, many of them jobs that made sense and were easy to imagine what life would be like. I knew what churches would be possibilities... I knew housing arrangements... I knew I would continue to grow in friendships...
God redirected my plan and before I reached the job and place I live now there were many trials that I had to endure. I had to grow through the endurance to persevere instead of let it devastate me. Trials exchanged optimism and hope with doubt, insecurity, and despair. Trials took me to the darkest places I had yet faced.
Without those trials I don't know that I would have moved to NC. The way that God orchestrated the move had me less involved in planning and details than usual... he orchestrated them. I learning more and more to do my part but to count on his strength. At this point I am discovering God's vision for my life and am so busy in that discovery that I have not created any personal life goals or plans. I am being drawn back to seeking God for those answers and growing in the process.
I am reorienting my conviction that God has the best for me and that all the doors closed in the past few years had a purpose. In the past few years the message "I have not brought you thus far to be kept on a shelf" has been spoken to me in two separate prophetic words. I am learning to continued to expect God to provide for my needs and provide opportunities to bless others. Instead of creating my own plan I am pursuing what God's plan is for my life. God has not left me to collect dust and I am excited to see his plan for me in NC.
Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.
James 1:2-4
