Last night the only grandfather I ever knew passed. At this point I am sure it has not sunk in and won't until I go home for everything. He has not been doing the greatest for a while and last time I talked with my mom she basically told me to prepare for the worst.
A few weeks ago I brought him up in prayer to the youth I work with and the other adult there got me thinking about him in a different perspective. He could be a difficult man. The only chance to connect was usually through Euchre, which I learned a valuable lesson early- Don't every trump Grandpa's Ace even if all you have left are trump! But recently I was remembering something else that meant a lot to me that he was there.
At my recital for my undergraduate there were those I expected and those I never would have imagined to be there. Grandpa was one that was there that I did not expect! He never really said anything about the recital to me, but he mentioned not knowing I could sing like that to my Mom. To have my grandfather sit through a half an hour of classical/Broadway music and travel up to Potsdam really made me feel special and in reminiscing was one of the times that meant a lot to me for him to be there. Rest in peace Grandpa.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Saturday, January 22, 2011
life in this new semester... with ambitious resolutions...
Now I don't want to go all "Bridget Jones" on this blog by giving an exact update on the resolutions, but briefly... I am making my way through Moby Dick (finally!), training pretty well for the triathlon (I have the swimming portion like it's nobody's business :oD- swam 200 yards more than whats required... my first day of training in the pool), arriving early (did well at the beginning- still needs work), money (I will focus on that after all my dental work is done!), open to new possibilities & guitar & travel (looking forward to them as time permits!).
Current tidbits of life:
I still do not know what the semester will bring, and I am okay with that! This week my class/lesson schedule should finally be in full swing. I have already discovered that it might be beneficial for me to get a larger memory card to record my voice lessons, which is fine since I did not have to buy many books this semester. I am returning to finding peace in my day to day life. There have been times that I have been stressed, and they try to come back, but most of the time I have been able to hold onto the peace.
A few weeks ago I attended a college Christian chapter meeting and at the meeting we were split into smaller groups. Among the groups we were able to discuss challenges currently in our life and the one I mentioned was releasing my control on my life. One of the guys in the group asked the question, "How do you let go of the control of your life?" I answered a generic reflecting on life, starting to meditate on God's word, and becoming conscious of the fact. Later that night God really spoke to me and revealed that there's so much more than the response that I gave. Long story short several hours later I would decide to sleep and he would reveal more to me, which I write down. So on went the light again late in the night/early in the morning and I have several pages written outlining what he revealed to me.
With that revelation the return to peace came. When I let go of control in my life God takes control of my life giving me a wondrous sense of peace. Why am I so quick to try to "live" my life? It reminds me of a line from Phil Wickham's song True Love "lose your life just so you can find it". It also brings me back to a book that I am letting my Dad borrow right now that speaks of the life that comes to us through dying to ourselves enabling God to let us live the life he calls us to. As stated by Switchfoot in a song "every seed dies before it grows".
Again long story short, reflecting on the past few years it is great seeing all the energized life that God has given in the times I have died to my flesh. My flesh does not like that process though, bringing stress as it battles my spirit. With each success in dying to myself though there have been longer times of contentment in Christ and with where he has placed me.
That basically summarizes where I currently am :) Only one last random comment/assignment. In one of my courses I am taking this semester they asked that we write a school history, that is the communication that our parents received from the school. Basically I found that I never got any calls home for misbehavior. The only things that stood out for parent teacher conferences were 1) I did not listen to the full rules for my kindergarten test leading me to continue in 1st grade with special reading services because of my hearing impairment 2) My teachers all stated that I was quiet (people usually have a tough time believing me on that one) and they could not quite figure me out- my sister at that point piped in I was the typical middle child, which has some interesting thoughts to think about.
So besides the peace I have from reflections on the current circumstances I have been in a reflective mood about the past. As long as I have the time to think about both I am okay with that!
Current tidbits of life:
I still do not know what the semester will bring, and I am okay with that! This week my class/lesson schedule should finally be in full swing. I have already discovered that it might be beneficial for me to get a larger memory card to record my voice lessons, which is fine since I did not have to buy many books this semester. I am returning to finding peace in my day to day life. There have been times that I have been stressed, and they try to come back, but most of the time I have been able to hold onto the peace.
A few weeks ago I attended a college Christian chapter meeting and at the meeting we were split into smaller groups. Among the groups we were able to discuss challenges currently in our life and the one I mentioned was releasing my control on my life. One of the guys in the group asked the question, "How do you let go of the control of your life?" I answered a generic reflecting on life, starting to meditate on God's word, and becoming conscious of the fact. Later that night God really spoke to me and revealed that there's so much more than the response that I gave. Long story short several hours later I would decide to sleep and he would reveal more to me, which I write down. So on went the light again late in the night/early in the morning and I have several pages written outlining what he revealed to me.
With that revelation the return to peace came. When I let go of control in my life God takes control of my life giving me a wondrous sense of peace. Why am I so quick to try to "live" my life? It reminds me of a line from Phil Wickham's song True Love "lose your life just so you can find it". It also brings me back to a book that I am letting my Dad borrow right now that speaks of the life that comes to us through dying to ourselves enabling God to let us live the life he calls us to. As stated by Switchfoot in a song "every seed dies before it grows".
Again long story short, reflecting on the past few years it is great seeing all the energized life that God has given in the times I have died to my flesh. My flesh does not like that process though, bringing stress as it battles my spirit. With each success in dying to myself though there have been longer times of contentment in Christ and with where he has placed me.
That basically summarizes where I currently am :) Only one last random comment/assignment. In one of my courses I am taking this semester they asked that we write a school history, that is the communication that our parents received from the school. Basically I found that I never got any calls home for misbehavior. The only things that stood out for parent teacher conferences were 1) I did not listen to the full rules for my kindergarten test leading me to continue in 1st grade with special reading services because of my hearing impairment 2) My teachers all stated that I was quiet (people usually have a tough time believing me on that one) and they could not quite figure me out- my sister at that point piped in I was the typical middle child, which has some interesting thoughts to think about.
So besides the peace I have from reflections on the current circumstances I have been in a reflective mood about the past. As long as I have the time to think about both I am okay with that!
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Resolution Time: 2011 Edition
The time has come to put down my resolutions before I have a chance of breaking them before I have begun! Since I have become accustomed to lists I will use them here, not because my brain can't handle anything more complex as a friend suggested recently when I used a list for them :)
1- Go to 5 places I have never been before. More precisely actually cities/towns/areas. At this point there are 2 already concretely planned: a Mission's Trip to Schuylkill County, PA and Philadelphia, PA. I have 2 other places I hope to visit and make more concrete: New Paltz and Niagara Falls.
2- Read Catcher in the Rye, The Great Gatsby, and Moby Dick (2011 will be the year I conquer this book!!!!!). Never read them (completely in the case of Moby Dick) before!
3- Learn to play guitar well. Might be tempted to take a class to keep myself accountable.
4- Be open to new possibilities. In the past there have been opportunities that I shut down and never gave a chance to. In the new year I don't plan on going crazy doing activities that is against my character, but at the same time I feel that I need to return to some spontaneity.
5- Be at least 5-10 minutes early to appointments/work/class. I want to push myself to be more responsible with my time and more professional rather than apologetic.
6- Train and complete a triathlon! Super pumped about doing this with two wonderful ladies from camp and possibly my sister!
7- Be frugal and budget my finances wisely. I even plan to do so by taking money from any nanny-ing, accompanying, or substitute teaching I do and putting that money directly in my savings!
A little ambitious... possibly, but I am up to the challenge!
1- Go to 5 places I have never been before. More precisely actually cities/towns/areas. At this point there are 2 already concretely planned: a Mission's Trip to Schuylkill County, PA and Philadelphia, PA. I have 2 other places I hope to visit and make more concrete: New Paltz and Niagara Falls.
2- Read Catcher in the Rye, The Great Gatsby, and Moby Dick (2011 will be the year I conquer this book!!!!!). Never read them (completely in the case of Moby Dick) before!
3- Learn to play guitar well. Might be tempted to take a class to keep myself accountable.
4- Be open to new possibilities. In the past there have been opportunities that I shut down and never gave a chance to. In the new year I don't plan on going crazy doing activities that is against my character, but at the same time I feel that I need to return to some spontaneity.
5- Be at least 5-10 minutes early to appointments/work/class. I want to push myself to be more responsible with my time and more professional rather than apologetic.
6- Train and complete a triathlon! Super pumped about doing this with two wonderful ladies from camp and possibly my sister!
7- Be frugal and budget my finances wisely. I even plan to do so by taking money from any nanny-ing, accompanying, or substitute teaching I do and putting that money directly in my savings!
A little ambitious... possibly, but I am up to the challenge!
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