Nearer my God are Thee, Nancy Lee

Yesterday my breath was taken away, and my heart started aching, at the news that Nancy is no longer on this earth. Through the past day there have been a jumble of emotions. There have been plenty of times that I have, in my selfishness, been sad that I will not be seeing her face in this life. Multiple times God has reminded me of Nancy's impact in this life and of certain occasions that in the middle of grief I am still able to laugh and fondly remember her.

Philippians 2:14-18 has been my comfort and, in my opinion, explains a smidgen of who Nancy was. "Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world of crooked and perverse people. Hold firmly to the word of life; then, on the day of Christ's return, I will be proud that I did not run the race in vain and that my work was not useless. But I will rejoice even though I lose my life, pouring it like a liquid offering to God. And I want all of you to share that joy. Yes, you should rejoice, and I will share your joy."

Nancy was such an example of setting an example in her youth. Her walk with God shone so brightly that, within a short time of knowing her, I was challenged to strengthen my faith to reflect God more fully. With her departing this life it is upsetting that such a bright shining woman of God is no longer among us. Nancy brought life, energy, and joy wherever she went. These qualities were contagious and valued. When such value leaves, it's easy to feel a void and see the world as a dimmer place. The tendency is to reflect on the light departing instead of looking towards ways to allow God's light to shine brighter in us. In this time of grief, making me vulnerable, I need to depend on God and boast in his strength working through me.

Nancy is taking part in the wonderful hymn sing of heaven, lending her voice and enthusiasm. There is a celebration that one, such as her, has joined eternity. This fact brings a bit of joy during this time as well as God's reminder of a story, which I will end this post with.

One week at camp (day camp, I believe), Nancy was the rec leader. We usually have kids choose a buddy and then choose between two options. Most times those options are something simple like peanut butter and jelly. One day Nancy decided to split a word into two sections to separate kids. That word was Homosapien... that's right "Homos over there and sapiens over there!" I think that all the staff almost completely lost it. In her tiniest action Nancy brought joy to me at camp, and anywhere else I was lucky enough to run into her, and that's the attitude that I hope to remember her with: Joy.

God is faithful :)

The past few weeks have brought many changes.

I officially submitted all my paperwork to substitute and officially substituted Middle School Band last Tuesday. It went a lot better than I had expected from previous experience with band and that age group and the fact that I didn't have coffee until the afternoon.

After substituting I went to a CRU leadership meeting. I have been emailing back and forth between CRU leadership to figure out how I can use my extra time to reach students on campus nearby. I have been asked to head up International Student Outreach :) They haven't had a student head that up, from what I can gather, and I'm excited to see how this goes. I have some ideas to start connecting Christians to International Students and am looking forward to seeing how they work out. At the meeting I had a prayer that I wouldn't be overwhelmed and got a speedy answer the next day.

I've been working for a church part-time and they've asked that I become even more part-time due to finances of the church. It took me aback a bit, but I realized that God is freeing up my time that I won't be overwhelmed. I'll be able to take more substituting jobs, which helps me prioritize my time and be more productive with everything and also I'd be getting paid more per day than working at the church. God's providing for me yet again.

Speaking of the church job: I'm really excited with where youth is going this year. At the beginning I knew of 2 maybe 3 youth to expect and now there are 4-5 that are coming pretty regularly. We had our first Hot Topic Sunday where we let them ask questions and worship (that is guitar and singing) is becoming a part of their meetings. We have a youth retreat coming up with many going. I'm excited at the depth of questions being asked and establishing foundations this year. Hopefully this week I'll have direction planned for the group til January... or at least until next Sunday since the following weekend is their retreat!

Today I had a nice adventure with Tamara looking for a sale that I saw signs for. Alas, it must have been yesterday and they just didn't take the signs down! Oh well, we went to Boulder Coffee Shop (I hadn't been there before) and it was great! We had a great conversation and I opened up about myself a bit, which is a big thing for me to do since it usually takes me a few years.

Other notable comments:
- I am seeing the purpose of barre chords and no longer hate them- they are still awkward when I first start implementing them, but become more comfortable with practice.
- Watching Pride & Prejudice after watching Lost in Austen made it an amusing time at Girl's Night.
- I don't know why, but evidently the time after 5:30 am, but before 6:00 am is the time that, if woken, I'm wide awake and ready to start the day... without need of coffee. This was discovered yet again when I got a substitute call at 5:40 am, clearly remembered plans of the day and stated clearly that I was unavailable that day. My time is not always my own anymore... I don't know how I feel about that.

And that concludes recent smidgens of my life, for now.

Guitar Blessings and Making Weekly Dates :)

This semester I decided that to help my goal of getting better at guitar that I should take lessons to do so... and I have calluses to prove it! There are parts that I expected (I still hate bar chords) and parts I didn't expect (playing from sheet music is a LOT easier than I thought it would be). I got sheet music for my lesson on Friday, two days ago, and I've basically have it prepared for my lesson this Friday (even the tricky one included in case I had extra time). That just leaves choosing a piece of music to incorporate bar chords in functionally. Smart teacher I tell ya- showing me where it will make life easier to try to motivate me to enjoy bar chords more. I'm challenged with D# M7 on the sixth string then craziness of Bb minor on the fifth string... I think I'm going to need to make flash cards :P In all honesty I am enjoying all that I am learning with guitar and kind of wish I would have taken lessons like this sooner!

As for weekly dates... that would be with friends ;) I am meeting with a few friends that I am hoping will become weekly meetings since they are wonderful ladies that I am developing great friendships with. That and you can't beat meeting with Godly women! Tomorrow I meet with a friend I made on Friday, at CRU, that is from Madagascar and I quickly made several connections. She has a personality that I connect with and I just tend to automatically love International Students... seriously! I also met with CRU's International Student coordinator and she mentioned trying to start an International Bible Study, which for those who don't know, is where I like to be whenever possible! As for other weekly dates I meet with a lovely lady that I met before she started at Roberts and it makes me happy being able to use my time at Roberts and RIT. I really enjoy the fact that today having lunch at RIT I knew two people that people at CRU had not met and I was able to introduce them to... and I don't even go to RIT!

So for the newest update: I'm doing well, feeling blessed by opportunities, but also a little overwhelmed by options. Of course the weekends/weeks that I have been looking to plan have so much going on that I can't get to everything, which makes me extremely sad! I guess I have to be a bit more decisive and hopefully God will make the decision easier by closing some of those doors!

Discovering my Roots

I have found that through having my first apartment or moving to Rochester, it's a toss up, that I have had a deeper appreciation for things I associate with normal in some Lewis County lifestyles. Specifically finding an appreciation and understanding of all that my Mom gave to me and my siblings growing up.

So what does this entail?
Sewing: In college I decided that I wanted a sewing machine. Granted there's a lot more I'd like to do with sewing, but I did happen to fix a dress for a wedding this summer and I think it turned out quite well. That and I'm in the process of sewing something for a Pay-it-forward post earlier this year on facebook.

Cooking: I'm getting in the habit of enjoying making things from scratch a lot more than having it made for me. I think part of it is the fact that I know exactly what ingredients are in it and I get a sense of accomplishment when it tastes good. On that note I got an icecream maker for my birthday and have been putting that to good use. I've made French Vanilla, Blackberry, Rasberry, Chocolate Peanut Butter Icecream AND this week I intend to add Nutella Icecream to that list. Today I made pizza dough from scratch and am very excited with how it turned out. In the Fall I want to make applesauce

I enjoy going to the Farmer's Market and getting grown produce rather than the convenience of getting it at a supermarket.

While training for Iron Girl I realized how much simpler it is to train near where my parents live than in Rochester. I can bike pretty easily in Rochester and I've managed to find an outdoor pool to swim in. Running is more of a struggle. Partly at home you know everyone for miles- here I know the renters upstairs and that's about it.

I could go on the distinctions of life of what I associate with Lewis County, but more than anything else I think it's a realization of what I grew up expecting being brought up in it. I've begun to realize all that my mom did when we were younger and what she still does.
How many kids get their first taste of store bought bread in Kindergarten? How many families these days don't know what it is to to have to go to an alterations place because they know how to make their own alterations? How many kids have homemade clothes in their kindergarten picture?
You look at all the preplanned meals, "just add ______", "15 minutes to the table", etcetera. Growing up we had chickens that made their way to the table. Add onto all of that and I had a medical hotline when I left to college.
Then I could get started on how Dad built the house. The grounds around the house have always been kept up. He's building a barn. He's peeling trees and making rustic furniture by hand! He taught himself guitar and continues to learn each day.
For them that was the life they grew into and I am glad that there are generations still coming up learning these skills. It's what was expected of them rather than a choice for them. Sadly with that being a choice many skills are being lost. I think of how much I probably won't be able to learn or acquire because of the demands of work and life, but am hopeful and excited about small things that I am starting to catch onto. Who knows I might become a homemaker yet!

Resolutions Update/ Changes :)

So in the beginning of the year I had resolutions- some have been kept to- some have transformed so I thought an update might be in order...

1- Go to 5 places I have never been before. Places that I've gone- Philadelphia, Schuylkill County, and Brewerton (Iron Girl). Plans to head to Albany for a wedding and hoping to see Niagara Falls in the Fall :)
2- Read Catcher in the Rye (started and am not the greatest fan of the profanity- some books I can read, but finding it doesn't really seem to add anything to it), The Great Gatsby (done!), and Moby Dick- don't know that I care to read this one actually. Never read them (completely in the case of Moby Dick) before!
3- Learn to play guitar well. I feel that this comes in waves and I'm okay with that. That and my definition of what it is to play guitar well constantly changes to playing guitar better.
4- Be open to new possibilities. I think that this is going well :)
5- Be at least 5-10 minutes early to appointments/work/class. Works pretty well. My schedule is so flexible however that whenever I arrive is fine.
6- Train and complete a triathlon! *DONE- more on that in another post to come :)
7- Be frugal and budget my finances wisely- still working on this one. I feel that some things are going well in this area, but things keep coming up. Most recent Chiropractor Appointments... On the other hand I've been good at saving some money by riding my bike to work, using Old Navy rewards, and started to be a more active coupon user!

That's the resolutions update :)

Triathlon Training= Eco-friendly solution?

It's really hit me recently at how quickly time is going to fly by this summer. In a few weeks I leave for a missions trip. Those weeks before the missions trip should be sufficient in prepping for the missions trip since I have been investing in the process for a while. At the same time I was realizing today that now is not the time to slack off. I have some final details that do need to get done.

I've also been realizing that the time for the triathlon is quickly approaching as well. One of my solutions that I have found for training, and being a little eco-friendly is riding my bike to work at the church. That has been what I'd consider a short ride. Tomorrow the true challenge comes. I don't have any office hours in the church, but I do have to nanny. I found that conveniently the trail gets close to where I nanny but it's more than double the trip that I ride to the church. That and by riding my bike I save my wallet and the environment any extra stress.

Looking at the exact measurements for the tri I was realizing that it is manageable, but I have to keep reminding myself that I can do it through him who strengthens me. That and I find that any time I swim, run, or bike that I am able to talk to God about things going on in my life. Then I am able to relax and keep the focus on where it's due.

I continue to find that I have so much on my plate, including during "breaks" from school, work, you name it! I have to remember to stay on track with where I am, but most importantly remember to stay plugged in. I've been getting plugged in with many groups in the area, which has been wonderful. I've grown and learned so much through spending time with them, but no relationship or any combination of relationships can substitute for the one with my creator. Here's to keeping my eyes on the prize and the race(s) before me :)

Change of excitement/ enthusiasm...

I find it interesting as time is passing how activities that I enjoy change.

I am signed up and ready to get serious about tri-athlon training and today really got excited when I found a route to work to ride my bike, with an estimate of 30 minutes from google maps! You can't beat getting training in and saving some money from my wallet that doesn't have to go towards gas. I have always enjoyed spending time with people, but now have found I am content to do just that rather than to have to do something. (Old habits still kick in for most of my time hanging out with people. One of these days maybe I'll be able to relax rather than fuss!)

The biggest realization that I came to today was how I am enjoying doing more nature type activities being in more of a city setting. The past few times at home I have found contentment that there isn't a whole lot to do- I think partly since it's a short break and I expect being 5 minutes from 5 different Starbucks simultaneously :P *Actually last time home I went with some friends to the nearest Dunkin' Donuts... 25 minutes away (:*

I am finding that I am content with the fact that I am in Rochester for the next year. Sure it would be nice to know where I'll be 5 years from now, but I have enough on my plate the next day, week, month that I need to focus on. I have work, I have flowering outdoor plants, but the biggest realization that has been fantastic is that I am starting to be able to be hospitable to others. I have a place that I can open up to others and usually have refreshments that I can offer them.

Another freeing notion is this blog. No I don't plan on giving up posting thoughts from time to time, but in the past I have perhaps been a little stressed about not offering something on it to others (talk about a somewhat egotistical thought). I may post multiple times a day or it could be years in between postings and either way I am okay with :) This blog is going to be for my reflections and for whomever else, or no one else, who decides to read these postings!

fondest memory of Grandpa...

Last night the only grandfather I ever knew passed. At this point I am sure it has not sunk in and won't until I go home for everything. He has not been doing the greatest for a while and last time I talked with my mom she basically told me to prepare for the worst.

A few weeks ago I brought him up in prayer to the youth I work with and the other adult there got me thinking about him in a different perspective. He could be a difficult man. The only chance to connect was usually through Euchre, which I learned a valuable lesson early- Don't every trump Grandpa's Ace even if all you have left are trump! But recently I was remembering something else that meant a lot to me that he was there.

At my recital for my undergraduate there were those I expected and those I never would have imagined to be there. Grandpa was one that was there that I did not expect! He never really said anything about the recital to me, but he mentioned not knowing I could sing like that to my Mom. To have my grandfather sit through a half an hour of classical/Broadway music and travel up to Potsdam really made me feel special and in reminiscing was one of the times that meant a lot to me for him to be there. Rest in peace Grandpa.

life in this new semester... with ambitious resolutions...

Now I don't want to go all "Bridget Jones" on this blog by giving an exact update on the resolutions, but briefly... I am making my way through Moby Dick (finally!), training pretty well for the triathlon (I have the swimming portion like it's nobody's business :oD- swam 200 yards more than whats required... my first day of training in the pool), arriving early (did well at the beginning- still needs work), money (I will focus on that after all my dental work is done!), open to new possibilities & guitar & travel (looking forward to them as time permits!).

Current tidbits of life:
I still do not know what the semester will bring, and I am okay with that! This week my class/lesson schedule should finally be in full swing. I have already discovered that it might be beneficial for me to get a larger memory card to record my voice lessons, which is fine since I did not have to buy many books this semester. I am returning to finding peace in my day to day life. There have been times that I have been stressed, and they try to come back, but most of the time I have been able to hold onto the peace.

A few weeks ago I attended a college Christian chapter meeting and at the meeting we were split into smaller groups. Among the groups we were able to discuss challenges currently in our life and the one I mentioned was releasing my control on my life. One of the guys in the group asked the question, "How do you let go of the control of your life?" I answered a generic reflecting on life, starting to meditate on God's word, and becoming conscious of the fact. Later that night God really spoke to me and revealed that there's so much more than the response that I gave. Long story short several hours later I would decide to sleep and he would reveal more to me, which I write down. So on went the light again late in the night/early in the morning and I have several pages written outlining what he revealed to me.

With that revelation the return to peace came. When I let go of control in my life God takes control of my life giving me a wondrous sense of peace. Why am I so quick to try to "live" my life? It reminds me of a line from Phil Wickham's song True Love "lose your life just so you can find it". It also brings me back to a book that I am letting my Dad borrow right now that speaks of the life that comes to us through dying to ourselves enabling God to let us live the life he calls us to. As stated by Switchfoot in a song "every seed dies before it grows".

Again long story short, reflecting on the past few years it is great seeing all the energized life that God has given in the times I have died to my flesh. My flesh does not like that process though, bringing stress as it battles my spirit. With each success in dying to myself though there have been longer times of contentment in Christ and with where he has placed me.

That basically summarizes where I currently am :) Only one last random comment/assignment. In one of my courses I am taking this semester they asked that we write a school history, that is the communication that our parents received from the school. Basically I found that I never got any calls home for misbehavior. The only things that stood out for parent teacher conferences were 1) I did not listen to the full rules for my kindergarten test leading me to continue in 1st grade with special reading services because of my hearing impairment 2) My teachers all stated that I was quiet (people usually have a tough time believing me on that one) and they could not quite figure me out- my sister at that point piped in I was the typical middle child, which has some interesting thoughts to think about.

So besides the peace I have from reflections on the current circumstances I have been in a reflective mood about the past. As long as I have the time to think about both I am okay with that!

Resolution Time: 2011 Edition

The time has come to put down my resolutions before I have a chance of breaking them before I have begun! Since I have become accustomed to lists I will use them here, not because my brain can't handle anything more complex as a friend suggested recently when I used a list for them :)

1- Go to 5 places I have never been before. More precisely actually cities/towns/areas. At this point there are 2 already concretely planned: a Mission's Trip to Schuylkill County, PA and Philadelphia, PA. I have 2 other places I hope to visit and make more concrete: New Paltz and Niagara Falls.
2- Read Catcher in the Rye, The Great Gatsby, and Moby Dick (2011 will be the year I conquer this book!!!!!). Never read them (completely in the case of Moby Dick) before!
3- Learn to play guitar well. Might be tempted to take a class to keep myself accountable.
4- Be open to new possibilities. In the past there have been opportunities that I shut down and never gave a chance to. In the new year I don't plan on going crazy doing activities that is against my character, but at the same time I feel that I need to return to some spontaneity.
5- Be at least 5-10 minutes early to appointments/work/class. I want to push myself to be more responsible with my time and more professional rather than apologetic.
6- Train and complete a triathlon! Super pumped about doing this with two wonderful ladies from camp and possibly my sister!
7- Be frugal and budget my finances wisely. I even plan to do so by taking money from any nanny-ing, accompanying, or substitute teaching I do and putting that money directly in my savings!

A little ambitious... possibly, but I am up to the challenge!