Reflections through Reminiscing

"We can never know what might have been, but what is to come is another matter entirely." -C.S. Lewis

God's sense of humor, particularly his timing in answering desires/thoughts that I have been revisiting, makes itself apparent at times. Lately one of those times has come about and through it I am learning perspective about his sovereignty over my life.

Let me explain. Recently, I was thinking through the past 10 years or so and just thinking about the fact that I tend to not notice certain things, while focused on areas that are a priority at the time.  Except that innately, for me at least, those "unnoticed" occurrences are brought to awareness, years later, and in that revelation my analytical brain starts to try to make meaning to what it meant and then to try to understand how life would have been different had I noticed at the time. I had been having those thoughts and unconsciously asking God if there were any other instances that I had missed.

In a recent conversation I was informed that one major defining moment was not entirely as I saw it, and yet at the same time was exactly as I saw it. What that moment was is in the past and has gone by, yet I found myself visiting the "what if" path and thought process. The crazy thing about that '"what if" path was it was so intricately detailed of how vastly different my life could be at this moment. Those details I had no idea were in existence. That vision included a job, living in a different state, friends, family.... in that vision I saw myself smiling- I even imagined a different hairstyle that I had- as I mentioned intricate. In some ways it's so much easier to yearn for that path because it is so detailed. That yearning in itself of feeling that my life is not where it is supposed to be... is not of God. It's a lie. It's the struggle that continues to try to take hold in my life that God is keeping the best from me. It's the lie that God is not trustworthy and has no purpose for my life (more details possibly on this front based on enneagram results). Instead I need to seek after God desperately.

Currently I am finding myself putting down roots again and it's easy to believe that I'm missing something. As I try to gain my bearings it's easy to look at all the things that aren't in place. The concept that I need to cling to is without God everything is meaningless, as expressed multiple times in Ecclesiastes.

God is the anchor that I need to set my life around, not vice versa. He's always faithful and is able to orchestrate everything "exceedingly and abundantly above all we could hope for and imagine" Ephesians 3:20, he considers us of more value than flowers that are dressed extravagantly and birds are provided with what they need without storing Matthew 6:26-34, and he gives good things (the things that we need) to those who ask them Matthew 7:11.

I need to remember his faithfulness and who he is. I need to seek his perspective and not get caught in the "what ifs"... he knew those paths and has better for me! God is constantly calling and seeking after me, and it has been too easy to miss that fact. The invitation is always there.

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

I am called to love God Matthew 22:27 and I have a purpose. God does work for the best in my life. In this next season of my life I need to proclaim these truths and accepting God's invitation.

"There are far far better things ahead than anything we leave behind." -C.S. Lewis

This song has been speaking to my heart and I find to be fitting for the truths that I need to be reminded of.

Moving to a new apartment... giving it a name?

Firstly, I am moving to my first, by myself that is, apartment. I am going from unfurnished to furnishing it myself and with some housewarming gifts (received one today- Thanks, Sarah :) and have been offered another). 

I am excited, but am faced with the conflict of need versus want. At this time as I'm nearing moving in, and from many words given by friends and at church, I am questioning motive. When I'm looking at want what is the goal? Is it to create a sanctuary for myself that is welcoming to others or is it to gather likes on facebook? 

I also find the temptation to shop when they conflict with financial goals that I've set: pay for my next car in cash and be done with my private college loan in five years. Buying a cute carpet (the biggest turmoil today) is a luxury and not a necessity. The goal being sought currently is to find a balance between having a space that is hospitable and indulgent. I think it's fine to have nice things, and eventually might have space in my budget, and conscience, to purchase the carpet (or be more frugal and find a gently used cheaper version), but nice things can easily be the goal instead of a purposeful use from them. 

This new apartment means that I'll want to do a deep cleaning and organize as I move out of my current place and into a new one. 

I'm also hoping that with this apartment that I'll be able to start fresh some good habits. At this point there is no tv or internet in the apartment and that is actually quite refreshing and appealing to me. It's so easy to be consumed by media and by stalking others' lives to compare and either feel your life is going better or to be envious of their life- when it's only a snapshot of their life as you only share snapshots of your own. In this apartment I'm hoping to get some good reading done and find ways to connect to the area rather than spend time in avenues that don't really matter. 

I'm also finding the impulse to name my apartment. The only other time that I've had an impulse to name something was my car (her name is Jane, by the way). Any name suggestions (pictures are on facebook) would be appreciated :) 

I'm excited in this transition for the many possibilities, but also hesitant. Being 3.5 hrs away from the nearest family member has been made easier living with another person- there's always the certainty of seeing someone else, outside of working hours. This move reminds me of the fact that there are more connections to be made and stretches me out of the box that I've placed myself in. This move reminds me that I should be more connected to a church than work and once a week. 

These are some prevailing thoughts at the moment. Some worries and anxiety, but also a great opportunity to choose to make some changes with the inevitable changes that the move will create. I have to take this next step and trust that God will continue to be faithful. I hope that I don't miss opportunities in this area and through this move. I pray that I see beyond my concerns and see the concerns of others and how to use what God has given me to reach those around me. 

Dairy reflections.... Whole 30 Re-intro

Dairy was the first food I reintroduced. I had half and half in coffee, cheese at lunch, and froyo for an afternoon snack!

How did it go?

Half and Half: I did not notice any difference except that I was more aware of all of my senses since I knew I was supposed to be looking for my body reacting to dairy.

Cheese: a few hours later after having some with lunch I got a killer headache- although I also wonder if that had to do with the fact that I was outside in freezing rain doing car duty and probably needed to hydrate more. I'll probably give it a try after the reintroduction to see if it was the culprit of the headache, because I do like my cheese.

Froyo: Besides the fact that my stomach was making some noise and I could feel it working, most likely from not having dairy for a month, didn't have any other reactions.

I noticed that I "might" get bloated from Dairy. I checked the scale and was up a few lbs than the lowest of this process, but again I think a lot of this might be from paranoia... I'll definitely be more conscious as I eat foods normally and might have an idea of what to avoid.


Other life tidbits outside whole 30: I got a manicure and pedicure since I got my first accompanying paycheck, am still looking at apartment situations, and life continues on. I will most likely update more about my routine once Whole 30's reintroduction is done.

Day 29 updates for Whole 30 looking at Reintroduction

I'm on day 29... the magical number of 30 is reached tomorrow and I have shopping for the transition into reintroduction.

Some thoughts as I head into this phase. I am going to attempt to still ward off sugar, but I might loosen up on not making food paleo-approved. That is on the program you are supposed to try to stay away from modified foods that you might crave when allowed to eat whatever you want. For me one thing that I was tempted to make dealt with breakfast. So on day 31, I currently plan on having banana pancakes with coconut whipped cream and fruit.... and since it is dairy reintroduction half and half in my coffee. Then 2 days back to whole 30 then onto gluten grains and so forth.

I have my gluten grain day planned out. Still figuring out details for legumes and non gluten grains, but you know there's time to plan.

It will be interesting to see how this phase takes place and see how foods are affecting my body after the detox.

Up to Day 16...

Week 2:

Day 8:
Breakfast: Eggs & Asparagus
Lunch: Panera Asian Sesame Chicken Salad modified
Dinner: Eggs, Asparagus & Sweet Potato
Extras: Coffee and Larabar

Today was a good day. The biggest highlight was probably going with Hannah to Pet Smart and picking up the newest addition to the house I live in, Avery. She is a chocolate lab and is very loving and affectionate.

Today food-wise- Had eggs a lot more than usual today, so I'm looking forward to more variety... have to plan to do so... the next few days. Also I picked up coffee beans today and was undercharged for them, so I need to go back to the store to pay the difference. Speaking of coffee I made my second batch of coconut creamer today... it already looks like more of a success than last week. Time will tell!

Day 9/10

Less about food and more about how I felt. So Day 9 I woke up not feeling the greatest- had a sore throat, slight headache (possible fever), and my digestion was off. I called to talk with my Mom and she was good to keep on track with Whole 30... when I really just wanted to get some processed medication that I was certain would magically fix everything. She also recommended less coconut... which means that after the coffee I had morning of day 9 I haven't had coffee and until I feel completely on the mend won't have coffee. I made soup and actually will probably make soup more often to use what vegetables are left at the end of each week.

Day 10, woke up feeling slightly better. Got some tea- made breakfast... went to school where I did have some ibuprofen. I probably will before I sleep as well. Tonight I did make some zucchini with beef and cauliflower filling that was tasty and I look forward to having again. Also there is talk of snow in the area so I may have a day this week, or at the least some extra time, to recuperate and get over this cold/flu/feeling awfulness that I've had. But hey, here's to sticking with it when all I want is chicken noodle soup, ginger ale, and still teaching (when I would just like to stay at home).

On a happy note/challenging note: I've been invited to go to NYC on Saturday. I am super excited, but that may mean that, snow dependent, I might need to ask for a substitute, and I will have to be creative in meals for 24+ hours and will have multiple temptations *ahem Starbucks* at every corner. On a positive note it's Wicked so I'm extra motivated to make it happen!

Days 11-16... School Days, NYC, etc

I am still Whole 30 Compliant... I managed to get Whole 30 approved meals in the city, and finished up planned meals from the week.

To be honest- right now I am exhausted... partly due to the fact that I was a bit stressed about trying to figure out where to go with lessons today, partly the trip is catching up. The show was great, but the weather was not the greatest and although I sleep alright on the bus I'm finding I could use better sleep in my own bed. I'll get there!

Whole 30- Week 1 Reflections...

Day 1:

Breakfast- Asparagus Frittata

Lunch- Spaghetti Squash, Tomatoes, Chicken

Dinner- Coconut Strawberry Smoothie

Snack- Cinnamon Pears

Extras: 2 cups of coffee... one hot, one iced- both with homemade coconut creamer

I woke up not feeling the best. A little stuffed up and had issues getting to bed the night before... and thus began Whole 30. I was not the most enthusiastic to have breakfast to make, but after seeing my housemate had put up my name to cross off and I got some coffee in my system I was ready to go.

Before today, I had planned breakfast and lunch. Later after checking out a house to rent, then going to church *Yup on a Saturday, I accompany at a church on Sundays*, I finally planned meals this week and had a plan to shop. I should be set until I begin week 2. 

Having a smoothie, albeit more tricky than usual (I made the coconut milk in the recipe), always lifts my mood and gave me the final amount of energy to close the day. At this moment, right before bed, I am de-stressing from talking about renting next year and trying to wrap my head around my budget. I don't know that I will be able to see all the factors, so I just need to do what I can each day and let God orchestrate situations that would work for me and allow me to see them as good options. 

Day 2:
Breakfast: Hot Pumpkin Cereal
Lunch: Slow Cooker Pork Roast, Sweet Potatoes, Steamed Broccoli Was taken out to lunch :) Got Lemon Pepper Tilapia, Shrimp, and Salad
Dinner: Spaghetti Squash, Tomatoes, Chicken Completed Pork Roast that I had planned for lunch
Snack- Cinnamon Pears/ Coconut Cream Pie Larabar/ Handful of Almonds
Extras: 1 cup of coffee w/ coconut creamer and found myself drinking more water today

This morning I woke up ready to try Hot Pumpkin Cereal. It's one of the recipes this week that I wasn't sure what to expect... and it took my tastebuds and some more shredded coconut to get going. What a boost in energy! The one thing I discovered about that meal is that it's really filling and for someone who has eaten light in the mornings I might need a smaller serving. Other reactions to food throughout the day weren't too drastic. I realized at one point, looking over the meal template, that there wasn't a spot for snacks that I had automatically placed in- oops. I don't feel too bad though because my body is adjusting to healthier changes 24/7 for the next 30 days so if my snack is a healthier option, at least for this week, I'm not going to be too hard on myself.

Mainly today was my Sunday routine. Drink coffee, eat breakfast, do devotionals and then usually listen to hymns on youtube, that I'll be playing in church that day, to double check tempi while checking emails and facebook... Goal for next week read... knit... anything other than obsessively check those places.
Triumph: Hannah asked if I had a headache and I honestly said no and once I said that it seemed like my body decided that's what it wanted to do, but after drinking some water no more issues.
Foe: Boiling/Peeling Eggs... The pot did not want to boil and once I got to peeling the eggs I destroyed many of them which will make it interesting when trying to use them for salads.

Final thought- between a lack of sleep or the change of nutrition I am ready to sleep at a more appropriate time. Hopefully I have a restful sleep for what promises to be a fun day after having Tuesday-Friday as snow days for the students and me (except Friday- "optional" work day that I worked... I was going a little stir crazy).

Day 4:
Breakfast: Frittata
Lunch: Spinach Salad w/ Raisins, Almonds, Strawberries, and Pork Roast Meat
Dinner: Pork Roast, Sweet Potato, and Broccoli
Extras: Coffee, and 2 Larabars- one after lunch and one after dinner

Today was a rough start. Once I got coffee in my system and started moving things got better, but I could definitely sense the change of energy stores. I had energy throughout most of the day, but noticed that it was more subdued than usual.

I got to choir rehearsal and reached the point where I was tired. I got back home and should have gone to bed, but instead stayed up a bit which led to it taking longer for me to get to sleep. Particularly with my habit of reading before bed, which at the moment is finishing It Starts With Food and as always the Bible.

Day 5:
Breakfast: Frittata
Lunch: Spaghetti Squash w/ Tomatoes and Chicken
Dinner: Strawberry Coconut Smoothie
Extras: Coffee, 2 Larabars, Nuts, and Hard boiled egg*

Today I felt at points that I was in a fog. After I finished teaching my last class of the day I was just ready to breathe, relax, and regroup, but I had car duty- which I managed to do with a cheerful attitude. Today I was a little more strict with kids, which I felt bad about, but got some amazing pictures and an apology note from the one class that was having a lot of issues listening.

Once I got to the faculty meeting I was ready for some time to breathe and saw the grab what you want candy dish, which wasn't too tempting since I wasn't facing towards it, but there was the realization that if I were staring at it throughout the meeting that it would've been so easy to give in and resulted in extra extras*. Mainly today and yesterday I'm realizing a loss of a source of energy and at this point I'm thinking it's from the sugar intake I normally have. I'm hoping that the transition to a healthier source happens soon because I am beat. I also hope that I continue to sleep well and on that note I'm ending notes for today since I'm starting to yawn... about an hour earlier that where I would reach this exhaustion before whole 30. I truly feel that this whole sleeping longer is for the best.

Day 6 and Day 7...

Didn't keep up with documenting so well... but I completed the first week. I find I'm sleeping better and have only looked at banana pancakes as something to make that I probably shouldn't since it's a food I wanted before.

Also- just out of interest I weighed myself (on day 8... more in the next post) to see what this week meant weight-wise and I'm down 2 lbs. 4.5 lbs more than I was when I graduated high school and the food is tasty, I'll take it. 

Whole 30 begins... and life continues...

In February I begin to undertake Whole 30. To clarify, Whole 30 is a "nutritional eating challenge (created by Whole9 in 2009) that focuses on eating a paleo based diet"*. It's based on a diet, but from what I've read, and from discussions with my roommate (who just completed Whole30 in January), it's more about detoxing your body from all of the processed materials in food and focusing on getting the nutrition you need.

Further note: At this point (I weighed myself this morning) I am 6.5 lbs heavier than I was when I graduated high school, which I consider to be a healthy weight. This is not for losing weight, although that is a possibility- I'll include that in reflecting on the process. 

I look forward to this focused month+ (February's short) of eating healthy and am excited to see what new recipes I enjoy. It will also be a interesting challenge with all of the Valentine's Day goodies that will be around this month. Today on day 1, I am finding an alternative to coffee creamer (you're not supposed to go with substitutions, but this might have to be my exception) with coconut milk, eggs, and coconut oil. Granted I started this yesterday, because I had ran out of coffee creamer, but I find today that I am accepting the taste of it and there's no sugar in it! For me that's a big deal- I like my coffee sweetened.

Beyond the food, I am hoping to make this a month of detoxing other areas of my life, as well as enhancing my life. I'm hoping to have more reading (really want to make sure I'm track with my group to read the bible in a year), knitting, and exercise this month, and less tv, facebook, online games, etc.  Furthermore with extra income, that is not taking my piano lesson money to get special treats for myself such as coffee, fast food, etc, I'll be more focused on getting a nice camera- I'm hoping I'll be able to get it by my birthday this summer (maybe sooner, if I get a job I'm hoping to get this summer- prayer about that would be great and I have the information that I'm in the final stages of the interview process and it would be amazing- would be a great opportunity to take tons of pictures).

That's life right now and I hope to keep everyone more updated with the challenges and insight gained this month.

*from thenakedplate.org

Being filled with joy, thankful, patience... well-known verse making a new impact this week!

"We ask God to give you complete knowledge of his will and to give you spiritual wisdom and understanding. 10 Then the way you live will always honor and please the Lord, and your lives will produce every kind of good fruit. All the while, you will grow as you learn to know God better and better.11 We also pray that you will be strengthened with all his glorious power so you will have all the endurance and patience you need. May you be filled with joy,[c] 12 always thanking the Father. He has enabled you to share in the inheritance that belongs to his people, who live in the light."

Colossians 1:10-12

This morning I read these verses and as I read them I felt the power of prayer through them. I have used these verses to encourage others and I have always felt prayerful for other people through them. Today, I felt that they encouraged me personally in my own walk like never before. 

It's amazing how verses that you have grown up reading can have a powerful impact from a change of perspective. 

Without complaining and grumbling

"Do everything without complaining and arguing, so that no one can criticize you. Live clean, innocent lives as children of God, shining like bright lights in a world full of crooked and perverse people. Hold firmly to the word of life; then, on the day of Christ’s return, I will be proud that I did not run the race in vain and that my work was not useless."

Philippians 2:14-16

Lately that verse has been really convicting and I have had it weigh on my spirit. This is my 2014 New Years Resolution/Challenge. I have found that in recent years my go to when the going gets tough is to complain and argue that situation. I have looked/still look to blame rather than find a solution to difficulties. I have found that from this complaining attitude it has further turned into discontentment and bitterness. I have found that complaining quickly can turn into gossip to take attention away from myself. 

I've been seeking to have more thankfulness, contentment (which I have found that circumstantially I've gained more of), and gratitude in the little things while ignoring the source that feeds into everything else. I'm seeking to look at challenging situations with an honest perspective that I may grow instead of skewing difficulties to protect my pride.

My complaints have obscured my view of the good that God is doing in my life. My complaints have led to a more pessimistic outlook on life.

My complaints have hindered me. 

This will probably be one of my most challenging resolutions that I've posted... and in many ways I feel the rewards of holding to it will outweigh the gains of previous years. 

For those following along: please keep me accountable... check in on me... keep me from ingratitude and gossip.