"We can never know what might have been, but what is to come is another matter entirely." -C.S. Lewis
God's sense of humor, particularly his timing in answering desires/thoughts that I have been revisiting, makes itself apparent at times. Lately one of those times has come about and through it I am learning perspective about his sovereignty over my life.
Let me explain. Recently, I was thinking through the past 10 years or so and just thinking about the fact that I tend to not notice certain things, while focused on areas that are a priority at the time. Except that innately, for me at least, those "unnoticed" occurrences are brought to awareness, years later, and in that revelation my analytical brain starts to try to make meaning to what it meant and then to try to understand how life would have been different had I noticed at the time. I had been having those thoughts and unconsciously asking God if there were any other instances that I had missed.
In a recent conversation I was informed that one major defining moment was not entirely as I saw it, and yet at the same time was exactly as I saw it. What that moment was is in the past and has gone by, yet I found myself visiting the "what if" path and thought process. The crazy thing about that '"what if" path was it was so intricately detailed of how vastly different my life could be at this moment. Those details I had no idea were in existence. That vision included a job, living in a different state, friends, family.... in that vision I saw myself smiling- I even imagined a different hairstyle that I had- as I mentioned intricate. In some ways it's so much easier to yearn for that path because it is so detailed. That yearning in itself of feeling that my life is not where it is supposed to be... is not of God. It's a lie. It's the struggle that continues to try to take hold in my life that God is keeping the best from me. It's the lie that God is not trustworthy and has no purpose for my life (more details possibly on this front based on enneagram results). Instead I need to seek after God desperately.
Currently I am finding myself putting down roots again and it's easy to believe that I'm missing something. As I try to gain my bearings it's easy to look at all the things that aren't in place. The concept that I need to cling to is without God everything is meaningless, as expressed multiple times in Ecclesiastes.
God is the anchor that I need to set my life around, not vice versa. He's always faithful and is able to orchestrate everything "exceedingly and abundantly above all we could hope for and imagine" Ephesians 3:20, he considers us of more value than flowers that are dressed extravagantly and birds are provided with what they need without storing Matthew 6:26-34, and he gives good things (the things that we need) to those who ask them Matthew 7:11.
I need to remember his faithfulness and who he is. I need to seek his perspective and not get caught in the "what ifs"... he knew those paths and has better for me! God is constantly calling and seeking after me, and it has been too easy to miss that fact. The invitation is always there.
"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28
I am called to love God Matthew 22:27 and I have a purpose. God does work for the best in my life. In this next season of my life I need to proclaim these truths and accepting God's invitation.
"There are far far better things ahead than anything we leave behind." -C.S. Lewis
This song has been speaking to my heart and I find to be fitting for the truths that I need to be reminded of.
